Why starting a new job / course that you are not fully aligned with can cost you years.
| September 18th, 2023. 3 minute read. If you’ve ever chosen to study something as a means to ESCAPE an unhappy job situation, or you’ve switched jobs mindlessly in the hope of finding fulfillment, without taking the time to investigate what really lights you up, then I have a story for you. MY STORY Being stuck in a job that doesn´t fulfill you is soul-destroying. I know because I have been there. Many times. I have worked many unmotivating jobs that left me feeling, stuck, stagnant and stressed. Even though each one has led me closer to what it is that really lights me up, I could have saved a lot of time, money and unhappiness had I known myself enough to really investigate what it is that lights me up. When I left primary teaching (detailed here in newsletter #1), I knew that I wanted to work with adults, but I didn´t know WHAT. So I did what anybody looking to take another course would do – I read up on a few offerings at my local business school and selected a Masters in Human Resources. It was in Spanish, and being a native English speaker meant that it was challenging for me to express myself and understand 100% of what was being said. But I knew that in order to leave a job that was making me unhappy I needed to get out of my comfort zone. So I went for it and studied at the weekends alongside my teaching job. Looking back I can see clearly that HR was never an area meant for me, but I was so DESPERATE to get out of teaching that I didn´t read the signs. And oh, were there many signs. THE SIGNS After starting my weekend Masters programme, I no longer looked forwards to the weekend and the thought of going to my 5 hour session on Friday evenings and Saturday mornings left my body feeling heavy and tired. Not only that but I didn´t vibe with any of the people on my course who were very dedicated to HR, unlike me who was using it as a means to escape, and this led to a painful feeling of DISCONNECTION. I was used to doing things to a certain standard, but on this course I didn´t excel as I was used to doing. My marks were distinctly average and I found it difficult to pay attention to many of the subjects because the content just didn´t resonate with me. Since everyone else seemed to into it, I started to think there must be something wrong with me – and I often asked myself why I wasn´t passionate as everyone else. Since I wasn´t really enjoying what I was learning, I would clock watch during sessions, waiting for the end of the class to come. I didn´t feel inspired by any of the teachers; I didn´t particularly want to be like them and often felt uncomfortable with the way they spoke to us as a class. It was more like a Sergeant Major giving orders rather than showing interest in us as humans (which for me kind of went against the idea of working in Human Resources!) I felt lacklustre, like my energy was stuck and I felt numb to the world around me. Everything seemed out of focus and blurry. I was putting on a mask of everything being OK and this generated a lot of pressure inside of me to keep up the pretense. How could I be vulnerable and honest with others when I wasn´t being vulnerable and honest with myself?! I justified to myself why I should keep pushing against the tide because for me it was better to do SOMETHING than to fall into the uncertain emptiness of admitting that I DIDN´T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. What a rookie mistake that was! By not reading the signs early on and passively thinking “it will be OK” I ended up in yet another job that didn´t fulfill me or allow me to be the best version of myself.Because I am the type of person who likes to take decisions, for me taking the decision to study this course (even though it didn´t fulfill me) was a way to trick myself into thinking that I was moving forwards. THE RESULT This behaviour had consequences. Because I wasn´t learning something that INSPIRED ME or allowed me to be CREATIVE, my natural light was dimming instead of igniting and my frustration was spilling over into my daily life with my partner and with my friends. Because there wasn´t enough oxygen flowing to my soul, I was slowly being suffocated and the STRESS and OVERWHELM I felt at having to manage all the meaningless tasks each day. As a result, I went on to spent 4 years of my life working in an area that didn´t motivate or inspire me, and working with people who I didn´t resonate with.But because I didn’t know what it felt like to experience REAL MOTIVATION & INSPIRATION, I didn´t have the clarity to see why I was so unhappy. I just felt blocked, numb and going through the motions. Until you have experienced the deep joy that comes from tapping into your creative bliss, you will allow situations that don’t bring you profound satisfaction because you don’t know they exist. Looking back I wish I had known that all this could have been avoided by following this simple framework I´ve put together to investigate whether a new project/job/course is ACTUALLY aligned with who you are: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Is your current situation taking more than it’s giving? How do you feel about being there/with those people on a regular basis – energised and excited, or dull and unmotivated? QUESTION WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. If you had all the time and money in the world, would you spend it doing this/ with these people? TRUST YOURSELF. What is your body telling you when you are in this situation? What niggling feelings are you trying to ignore? The clues are always there. Don´t wait until you start getting ill to make a change. CONNECT TO YOUR BIGGER MISSION. What is your purpose in this world? Is it to contribute, to help alleviate suffering, to raise consciousness, to empower people? Is this job/this course allowing you to do that or actively taking you away from that? Nowadays, where there are many ways to numb ourselves to how we actually feel, it’s easy to just go along with a situation you are in because it’s comfortable. Yet the magic lies in asking yourself the questions and TRUSTING YOURSELF and your inner voice. And maybe once you’ve asked these questions you realise that actually, yes, you are happy where you are and you really love this job / this programme and it’s allowing you to grow. And maybe the answer is that actually, this situation is not bringing you motivation, fulfillment and happiness, so it’s time to make a change, even if you don’t know what that is yet. If you would like some support in finding what it is you truly want to do in this life, book a clarity call with me and let´s see if we are a good fit to work together. Love from Abbey x |
