Why following someone else’s dream has consequences: my mum’s story

Following someone else’s dream has consequences.

My mum knows this better than anyone.

Her name is Nicola.

And this her story of following someone else’s dream.

MY MUM’S STORY

My mum never considered herself a writer.  She started journalling at age 8 after receiving a diary from her parents.  It was a natural thing to so since her father also kept a diary.

As a child she always wanted to be a forester.

But she never followed her childhood passion because her father told her it was a stupid idea.

Being 14, she believed him.

When she shared her dream with my grandad, he reacted like many parents of his generation:

“Unbelievable. Is that the best the school can come up with? Is that what I am paying all this money for? I shall write and complain about that careers woman. What’s her name? I’ll put her right. You need to think of something else. I’ve never heard anything so preposterous.”

Her mum’s reaction wasn’t much different.

My Granny was a little confused between a forester and a lumberjack. She didn’t like to think of my mum in a red and black checked shirt wielding a chainsaw.  So she told her daughter it was a “silly idea”.

My mum trusted her parents.  She trusted that they knew what was best for her.  She shares that there was no need for her to think outside the box because it was nice and comfy within its confines.

My mum went to boarding school in the 1970s.  There were no mobile phones.  This means that weekly correspondence was carried out by putting pen to paper.  Over the course of her 7 years away at school, she received hundreds of letters from her parents.

And she kept them all.

She also kept a diary from the age of 8 until 26.

My mum had other vocations in mind, more closely related to the call of her heart, but they were not the right choice either.  

Her father wrote to her to advise “You should aim at becoming a Doctor or Lawyer – anything else lacks the status of a Learned Profession.  As a lawyer you could earn a LOT of money – if you were prepared to work hard.”

And so my mum swapped forest floors and global environmental horizons for an office job, arriving in the morning darkness to a stale, glazed-atmosphere.

And as with many others who fall into a career based on someone else’s dream, she resigned herself to a working week of colourlessness and boredom.

She would watch the clock – desperately waiting for the hand to hit the hour so she could leave.

She felt her life was governed by a time sheet – with all the anxiety of making sure the numbers added up so she coudln’t be accused of not doing her hours.

She would wish her weekdays away, living for the weekend.  Only then to find that come Sunday she would feel that growing unease in the pit of her stomach as she realised Monday was coming round again.

This cost her years.  Read the consequences of starting a job you are not fully aligned with in my previous article by clicking here.

Did all of this make her parents happy?

Of course not.  

Because when you have opinions on what someone else should do, you can NEVER be satisfied.  

It took my mum most of her working life to figure this out.

And in the meantime she wondered how many other people people set upon a path they never felt they were able to leave.

It’s tough to do so once you are so many miles down the road due to the ravines of child rearing and the landslides of mortgage debt.

Many wouldn’t risk it.

But my mum did and I´m so proud of her.

HOW SHE TURNED IT AROUND

When she turned 60 she said enough’s enough.

She could have given in to her fears of not being able to make it work; of thinking she was too far down the line of a “profession” to make a change now; or to her father’s voice in the back of her mind telling her what a “proper” career looked like.

But DESPITE all of this she decided to ACT.

She was so brave, acting IN SPITE of the fear.  IN SPITE of the doubt.

These gremlins never go away.

It’s just that some choose to believe them.

My mum wasn’t one of them.

In 2022 she took a 2 year sabbatical to write a book.

And in it she pieces together both her and her father’s diary entries, many of the events happening the same day but from completely different perspectives.

Often when big events occurred in her life, her father didn´t even notice them.

Why?

Because different people consider different things important.

And that’s why it is so important to follow your dream and YOUR consideration of what’s important.

In her book my mum recounts the horror of life at boarding school for a young girl in the 1970s, contrasted with her parents’ indifference.

She also explores parental expectations placed upon a child, especially in private education.  Often PAYING for your child’s education  can be used as another weapon in a parent’s artillery of justifications for why they should choose a particular career.

And all of this shadowed by the political backdrop of the 1970s.

In finally finding her voice and choosing to express what she had always carried inside, my mum unlocked another passion: WRITING.

And she’s damn good at it.

UNLOCKING HER PASSION

But this passion was nothing new.

She had been practising for this her whole life: all the letters she wrote at boarding school; all the daily diary entries she wrote for 20 years.

This passion had been hiding in plain sight.

AND NOW THAT SHE’S FOUND IT…

• she’s radiant, glowing and has more energy
• she has more time to spend with her kids and grandkids
• Monday comes round and she is EXCITED to spend some time working on her book after the weekend
• She has time to sit outside with a chapter she is working on, looking out over the fields.
• She has let go of it needing to be a success because she has got so much fulfilment form it.
• She has accessed a deeper part of herself which improves all the relationships in her life.

And in the process she has healed a part of herself.    

She has been able to talk with authority over her childhood which was always controlled by others, be it parents or school teachers.

And she has created something from her soul which the world needs to hear.

Whether or not the book is a “success” in the world’s eyes, this book is a huge success in my eyes because my mum has done something for herself and for the world that is AUTHENTIC.

She is an inspiration for me and so many others.

She teaches us that it’s NEVER too late to follow your dream.

If my mum can do it at 60, so can you.

If you would like to be notified when this book is out for purchase, just reply to this email with INTERESTED and I’ll keep you updated.

Love from Abbey xxx