What losing 200,000€ taught me about purpose.
In 2023 I lost my life savings.
Although at the time it was hard, ultimately was the best thing that ever happened to me.
For those of you who know me, you will know about my centre, Anahata.
It started as a beautiful dream.
But since it was never MY dream, it was doomed to fail.
We went about it the wrong way round. Instead of having a steady client base first, we decided to create the centre and hope the clients would come.
They did, but not in the amounts we needed to break even or generate profit.
In April 2022, three months after we opened, we were already haemorraging money.
That was hard to sustain, seeing as through I was the sole investor.
I felt like all my energy was being sucked out of my solar plexus.
I felt like no one else understood.
And they didn’t, because it wasn’t their money.
I felt a huge pressure to make it work.
❌To make it work despite the fact I wasn’t enjoying it.
❌To make it work despite the fact that running a centre didn’t light me up.
This pressure made me stay 1.5 years longer than I should have done.
Underneath the pressure, there was fear.
Fear of giving up.
Fear of quitting.
What would people think of me?
What would I tell people?
How could I face losing all the investment?
What else would I do?
How could I tell my family I had failed?
And so I held it all together.
Although I wasn’t holding it all together at all, as I was displaying clear signs of burnt out.
❌I was severely exhausted.
❌I felt overwhelmed at the backlog of messages from friends, family and clients that I didn’t have time to respond to.
❌I wasn’t being the happy, friendly person I wanted to be with my clients.
❌I resented my friends who had free time and fun weekends
❌I came home emotionally drained, with no capacity to do anything other than sleep.
❌I had no time or space for my creativity.
❌I started to question what was the point of living.
Opening up the possibility
When friends suggested the possibility of closing Anahata, I was shocked and offended.
“How can they be saying this to me?! They don’t have my best interests at heart. They don’t care about my money.”
What I now understand is that it was ME that didn’t have my best interests at heart.
❗️I thought that staying in a job that was making me sick was more important than my happiness.
❗️I thought that money was more important than my wellbeing.
❗️I thought that staying in a situation that made me question the point of living was more important than my mental health.
It was my dad that eventually made me see sense.
I had felt that Anahata was an energy leak (both physically and financially) for a while.
But my ego and stubbornness not to “quit” or “be a failure” forced me to keep going.
When my dad eventually suggested I decide upon a date to put a line in the sand and call it quits, I was able to let go.
Having someone I loved reflect back to me what I was feeling but was unable to see was the permission I needed.
What I learnt
This season of my life taught me more than either of my business Masters ever had.
My Masters had taught me how to succeed.
But what they HADN’T taught me was how to fail.
And it was failure – the very thing I was running from – that turned out to be my biggest asset.
I learnt that failure was not my enemy but rather the catalyst for MONUMENTAL GROWTH.
Failure taught me everything I know – in particular, about my focus, objectives and values.
By failing, there was nothing left to run from.
There was nothing left to lose.
By failing, I found myself in the exact position I had been dreading, and realised it wasn’t actually that bad.
In fact, it was kind of pleasant.
It was pleasant because FINALLY I was able to let go of everything I had been resisting:
⭐pretending I was OK
⭐️trying to prove I was a success
⭐️putting finance over my health and wellbeing
⭐️not asking for help
⭐️holding on to something out of fear
That’s how I learnt that what hurt was not failure.
It was the FEAR of failure.
Failing taught me to let go of what I didn’t want.
And instead taught me the importance of going after what I DID want.
And what was that?
-Peace
-Fulfillment
-Connection
-Creativity
-Time and Space
-Friends and family
-Nature
-Happiness
When I got clear on my values, I started to understand why Anahata hadn’t worked out.
And that clarity enabled me to start investing time and focus into the things that DID give me energy.
✅I started growing my singing circles
✅I recorded my first album
✅I moved to the countryside
✅I invested in my first business Coaching container
I had got over the misguided desire to focus on money and simply focused on what lit me up.
And as is always the way when you are aligned with your heart’s purpose…
…I started to make money doing what I loved!
More money than I had made in Anahata.
More money than I had made in Corporate.
And I realised that I had to lose that 200,000 euros in Anahata doing something I wasn’t good at and something I didn’t love…
…to value the thing I DO love
…to choose my CALLING over CAPITAL
…to know what’s important to me and where I want to invest my energy
So what’s next?
Now I am freed from the fear of failure, I know I can’t go wrong.
I know that there is no failure.
Only lessons and growth.
And I also know that if something is right for you, it will give you energy, not take it away.
That’s why I now support women looking to transition from their soul-destroying 9-5 and find out what they actually want to do.
That has been my own journey.
And it’s my greatest joy to have turned my pain into power and to support other women to do the same.
I hope this week’s newsletter has inspired you.
If you are looking to find your purpose, but not sure where to get started, then I am holding an intimate online workshop this Thursday 1st May.
I will be sharing the signature process I teach my clients to help them find their purpose, as well as the blocks that can stop you from getting in touch with your purpose.
If you fancy joining, it’s only €7, and you can sign up using the link below.
Love from Abbey xxx
