Knowing when you’ve stayed in something too long and it´s time to leave.
August 21, 2023. 4 minute read.
If you’ve ever stayed in something longer than you should and it’s affected your health, symptoms have showed up and you ignored them, and you started paying attention to the signs way too late, then I have a story for you.
My Story
In 2015 and I was deeply unhappy in my current job as a primary school teacher.
I had just moved to Barcelona from the UK to teach in an International School and I hated it from week one.
I had gone from teaching native-English language 7 year olds to 11 year olds whose second language was English and I was not prepared.
It didn’t help that I was dancing swing every night until 1am, getting to bed at 2am and then up at 6am to rinse and repeat. My breakfast would consist of a croissant and a coffee, which was not nourishing me and leaving me even more depleted at the beginning of the day.
I dreaded the start of the working week and on Sundays I was plagued with that horrible feeling in my stomach of having to go back to school the next day.
I woke up exhausted every day and was not motivated to plan or prepare my classes. When 9am came round and it was time for the children to enter the classroom I would feel severely anxious. I tried to ignore it and pretend everything was OK from the outside, but inside I felt awful: I had no energy, my body ached and I had lost my zest for life.
There was pressure on me to be a certain way with the children that went against the natural flavour of my personality. I felt like I was obligated to play a role that wasn’t allowing for the true expression of who I was and it was killing me inside.
I hated it, but I didn’t know what else to do. I had got this job so that I could move to Barcelona and I didn’t believe I would be able to do anything else.
All the signs were there that I was unhappy, but I chose to ignore them. And naturally, before long, my unhappiness in my job started to affect every other area of my life.
My relationship with my partner started to break down and I became very attached, needing him to save me because I wasn’t getting that in my job. This caused friction and the burden of spending such a large part of my life doing something I hated made me frustrated and resentful.
My health started deteriorating because I was staying in an environment that was harming my mind and spirit. I was overeating to try and fill the emotional hole inside of me and drinking every night to try and forget the horrors of the day.
I felt my life was spiraling out of control and that I was wasting my life away
There was a voice inside of me telling me that there was more meant for me out there, but I didn’t believe it could be true.
How fear kept me back
I talked myself out of changing jobs because:
- I didn’t know what else to do
- I wasn’t trained for anything else
- I had no other qualifications
- I had already invested 3 years of my life in training as a teacher
- I didn’t think my Spanish was good enough to work in a non-English speaking environment
- I had a stable income
- I’d never get so many holidays
- People knew me here
- I didn’t want to start all over again
But despite all the reasons my mind told me to stay, eventually it got so bad that I knew there was no other option for me but to at least try something else. Otherwise how would I know? I didn’t want to live with regret and resentment, stuck in a job that wasn’t bringing me happiness or fulfillment. Besides,I knew that if it didn´t work out I could always come back.
After 3 years in this job I left and never looked back. I’m not saying it has been EASIER because life still brings you obstacles, but I certainly feel HAPPIER and my body is HEALED.
I know from experience that fear can often get the better of us and we would rather stay with what we have than dare to try something different.
So I wish to share with you 4 ways that can help you decide if it’s actually time to say goodbye to something in your life, be it a job, a relationship or a city.
4 ways to help you decide if it´s time to say goodbye
- BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Is your current situation taking more than it’s giving? How do you feel about being there/with that person everyday – energised and excited, or dull and unmotivated?
- QUESTION WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. If you had all the time and money in the world, would you spend it it doing this/ with this person/ in this place?
- TRUST YOURSELF. What is your body telling you when you are in this situation? What niggling feelings are you trying to ignore? The clues are always there. Don´t wait until you start getting ill to make a change.
- CONNECT TO YOUR BIGGER MISSION. What is your purpose in this world? Is it to contribute, to help alleviate suffering, to raise consciousness, to empower people? Is this job/this person/ this city allowing you to do that or actively taking you away from that?
In an age of distraction, where there are many ways to numb ourselves to how we actually feel, it’s easy to just go along with a situation you are in because it’s comfortable. Yet the magic lies in asking yourself the questions and TRUSTING YOURSELF and your inner voice.
And maybe once you’ve asked these questions you realise that actually, yes, you are happy where you are and you really love this job / this person and it’s allowing you to grow.
And maybe the answer is that actually, this situation is not bringing you motivation, fulfillment and happiness, so it’s time to make a change, even if you don’t know what that is yet.
If you would like some support in finding what it is you truly want to do in this life, book a clarity call with me and let´s see if we are a good fit to work together.
Love from Abbey x
