Is losing your productivity a necessary byproduct of a spiritual awakening?

September 5th, 2023. 11 minute read.

If you’ve ever been through a “dark night of the soul” where everything in your life starts going against you and you feel like you’ve lost your POWER TO BE PRODUCTIVE, then keep reading.  I have a personal story for you. 

I see many people lose themselves in spirituality.

I was one of those people.

Although ultimately my Awakening led me to the healing of my body, financial abundance and radiant, vital energy, it wasn’t always this way.

Along the way I encountered a very dark night where I rejected many parts of myself including the productive part of me that enjoys material things, structure and “the system”.

I was very ungrounded and wasn’t able to create here in this physical reality, with the result that my productivity was halted for a good few years. 

Let´s get into what happened:

1. I rejected my masculine energy.

When I discovered my feminine energy I didn’t want anything to do with my masculine energy. I didn’t get that the important thing is to bring them into balance. 

I would say things like “I used to be so in my masculine” as if it was a bad thing and I rejected structure, discipline and time in order to be in my feminine – in order to be in flow.  

This had huge consequences for me as for 3 years I was unable to produce anything or stick to a timetable because I had a subconscious belief that, being a woman, it was “bad” to embrace my masculine energy and get shit done. 

I thought spirituality was all about meditating and being OK with not achieving.

This played out with me often showing up late to meetings and allowing others to disrespect my time in the same way in the name of “being in the flow”. 

In my desire to let go of control, I lost sense of my time boundaries, my structure and what was OK/ not OK for me. 

2. I put the opinions of other “more spiritual” beings above my own.

Because I was new on the spiritual scene, I looked up to others and thought they knew so much more than me.

Especially the ones who were very convinced of how spiritually advanced they were. 

This was the worst thing I could have done for myself.  I allowed people to walk all over me and I lost my boundaries.

I got into a toxic relationship and my partner told me that my energy was too much; I needed to relax; my fiery energy of achievement and focus was not good for him (telling me this at 11am from bed as he’d just woken up). 

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t have a problem with someone waking up at 11am- everyone has different schedules. But when you are doing that and making someone else feel bad about waking up earlier, then we have a problem. 

As a result I lost my fiery spark or motivation and drive, believing this was “bad”. I lost my boundaries and allowed my ex to persuade me to manage my money for me (and lost it all); I started a project called Anahata that was never my dream and invested my life savings into it; and I lost sense of my own intuition because I DIDN’T TRUST IN MYSELF.

It took me 2.5 years to find my productivity – my power to create in the world – again. 

This was the hardest lesson of all and it taught me not to trust someone’s words but instead to look at their actions; to trust in my intuition and look with my heart instead of with my eyes. 

3. I got obsessed with plant medicine as a means to escape

Don’t get me wrong – it was a lot of fun and brought me a lot of empowerment.  But what started out as a healing experience became an obsession and I started to drink a lot of plant medicine as a means to escape this reality.

I started to think this material world wasn’t real and that anyone who hasn’t had the experiences with plant medicine that I had had were crazy. 

I judged the masculine values of productivity and a structured working week as being a negative part of The System. 

It’s true that I received huge emotional and spiritual healing; I found my life purpose and my life took a 180 degree turn around, but eventually after drinking more than 100 times in 3 years I started to ask myself the question “what are you looking for?”

I don’t regret going so deep into plant medicine…and I believe it’s important that everyone follows their curiosity…just never to stop asking yourself the question “why am I doing this?!”

I noticed after drinking Aya sometimes it would take me 2 weeks to come back to reality and to be able to get back into my routine and a structured week that favours productivity and creation. 

And since right now I am in a productive phase of my life where I am creating my coaching business, I prefer to have all my mental faculties sharp and focussed. 

Is it working for me? Yes it is 🔥

Interestingly I have a podcast about my Ayahuasca Adventures. You can check it out here ✨

4. I went fully against the system

This was the craziest bit (and also a very normal stage of your spiritual awakening). 

I went against the structure and production of society, seeing it as just another byproduct of the Patriarchy.

If you haven’t yet had an experience which opens your perspective to view society in this way (be it through at Awakening; through plant medicine; through questioning) then the next part could be triggering for you. But stick with it and remember that I am still a fully functioning member of society and haven’t run off to live naked in the forest (at least not yet).

Seeing the system in another light was extremely painful for me. It was a change of my world view that went against everything I believed and it felt like a death. I couldn’t talk about it with many people in case they thought I was crazy.

I started to see:

1. how societal indoctrination starts at age 4 when we enter the school system
2. The medical system is designed to keep us ill (did you ever heal from prescribed medication?)
3. The food sold to us in supermarket is dead, also designed to keep us ill
4. The inputs received from radio, television and advertising are designed to keep us in a state of perpetual fear (primarily the fear of death)
5. Most people trust the system and follow along because they have not yet had an intense enough/ painful experience to snap them out of it. And if they had they are not open to do the extremely painful work of looking within.

Because I saw this and didn´t accept it, I believed I had to FIGHT against it, with the result that much of my energy went on complaining and fighting rather than CREATING. 

That was an important stage in my development and I understand that when we are breaking out of one belief system we often swing to the other extreme before we find our balance – our middle ground. 

But now I have safely come out the other side and although I STILL believe much of this to be true, I am an integrated member of society and how I use this belief to drive my creations rather than hinder them, ultimately giving me MORE ENERGY, PRODUCTIVITY AND DRIVE.

Now I have reached a place where I am literally in AWE of the structured, productive system we live in.  I am so grateful for: 

1. How The System runs like clockwork
2. The sheer extent of human intelligence in the designing and upkeep of our cities
3. How technology helps me create my business, support my clients and connect with loved ones 
4. The usefulness of public transport!
5. How humans are capable of creating and producing immense wonders 

I feel gratitude to the system AND AT THE SAME TIME I believe it doesn’t have our best interests at heart. Holding both of these beliefs to be true at once allows me to:

1. make my own decisions about what is best for my health and my body
2. exercise my power to CHOOSE (even when we are made to believe there is no choice)
3. heal myself through diet (I healed my Hashimotos autoimmune disease and underactive thyroid naturally despite my doctor telling me I couldn’t)
4. Be careful of what inputs I choose to watch, read and listen to.
5. Focus my productivity into something that lights me up,  helps others & positively affects The System in which we live.

The Kabbalists say the point of spirituality is so that we can live in this material world and not only do I believe this but I am EXPERIENCING this to be true. 

Now I have come out of the other side of my dark night and am feeling HAPPY, GRATEFUL and SUPER PRODUCTIVE 🔥🔥.

I look forward to going to bed just so I can wake up the next morning feeling great and bringing into reality all my sparkly ideas. 

But most importantly I have learnt :

✨everything in moderation (including moderation)

✨never trust someone who tells you to trust them 

✨when you feel the pull to deep dive into something like plant medicine, go for it (and document your experience) but always BE AWARE OF YOUR WHY 

✨to work with the system in a way that energises me, serving both me and my clients

It’s time to ground the shit out of spirituality, my friends.

If you would like some support in integrating your Spiritual Awakening with your PRODUCTIVITY AND POTENTIAL, get in touch with me and let’s explore if we are a fit to work together.

Love from Abbey x