Feeling stuck? How to get yourself out of a rut in 3 steps.

Feeling stuck in a rut sucks.

One minute you’re fine and the next you have fallen in right on in.

It’s very difficult to dig your way out.

Exhausting, in fact.

It’s like all the energy goes out of you. You know what you WANT to be doing. You just can’t summon the clarity or motivation to actually do it.

This leads to feelings of GUILT. Especially in the age of Social Media, where it’s so easy to compare yourself to others who appear to be doing it better. Or who appear just to be doing it at all.

Because you are currently unable to get things moving, it’s easy to mistake this as something wrong with YOU and start judging yourself.

You may start to believe:

• I don’t have what it takes…
• I’m not good enough…
• I don’t know what I’m doing…

And the cycle of ruttedness perpetuates.

I know because I have been there.

MY STORY

I was stuck in a huge rut back in 2021.

This was 5 years after I had worked a job that made me REALLY unhappy. You can read my experience as a primary school teacher here.

Back to 2021.

I had just left corporate, and was doing my Coaching Masters. I was also in the process of creating Anahata.

At the time, I didn’t know I was in a rut.

I thought that there was something wrong with ME.

It was tough leaving corporate. Suddenly I was on my own. Now I was wholly responsable for finding the structure necessary to create my vision and make it work financially.

My stuckness felt like a heavy energy in my body.

I had a constant feeling of unease and anxiety, like I “should” be doing something else, or more, or different, or better…

Nothing I did felt like enough.

I felt like I was trying to run through honey.

I felt confused and unclear on “the right way”.

I compared myself to others doing similar things and thought they were doing it much better than me.

This would manifest in behaviour that didn’t help me.

• Instead of investing in getting clear on what I wanted, I would watch documentaries on Gaia.
• Instead of knuckling down with that I needed to do, I would go out for coffee dates with friends.
• Instead of scheduling time in my calendar to work, I would book myself into massages.

I was trying to escape the feeling of stuckness with FUN things, with SOCIABLE things, with HEALING things.

But none of it cured my stuckness.

I had an unmet need which was not being addressed, and I was focussing my attention on the wrong thing.

HOW I GOT OUT OF MY RUT

By behaviour was like a plaster – trying to cover up symptoms instead of getting to the route cause.

I knew something had to change.

But I didn’t know what.

Or how.

Or who.

Around the same time the word “Coach” kept coming to me.

A few years before, I would have pushed through on my own. Back then I thought that asked for help was a sign of weakness and I certainly wouldn´t have considered investing in my own self-development.

But now things were different. Maybe because I myself had a Masters in Coaching, so I knew the power of having sometimes to hold me accountable and break through my own bullshit.

I felt deep down this is what I needed to pull me out of my honey-stuckness and into action again.

But where to find the Coach?!

I had been looking for a Coach for a few months but no one resonated enough for me to put my money down.

I summer 2022 I went to the Sacred Valley and I heard through the grapevine about a man called Jarah Tree.

When I got back, I looked him up and booked a call.

I just knew he was the one to help me. I had never even spoken to him.

He was based in America, and our first call was at 21:30pm at night. That was VERY late for me! But I just know he was the one to help me.

5 minutes before out call I got cold feet. Did I actually want to have this call with him? What if he tried to “sell” me into something I didn’t want?

I remember saying to Jarah in our first call “I want everything we just talked about…but it sounds like a lot of work. I just don’t have the energy”.

I chuckle to myself thinking about that now, not knowing what was in store for me or the HUGE amounts of energy that would be activated as I started moving through the coaching process with him.

After our weekly call which finished at 11pm I felt such a shoot of energy moving through me.

Normally I was in bed by 9pm but this process was awakening something in me.

• I started working on my website
• I started making regular posts on Social Media
• I started having my client calls on the calendar

And after 6 weeks working with Jarah, I had already earnt back my Coaching investment by signing my first client.

It was a snowball effect.

The momentum was building very quickly, and I had got from being stuck-in-a-rut and stagnant, to engaged, inspired and bringing in the clients.

The stagnancy I had felt just weeks before had disappearaed because I had taken aligned action towards my goal of becoming a Coach.

That action led to a result, and that’s how the energy started building, propelling me forwards.

The only way I can describe it is like when you start going to the gym. At first you don’t want to go…you resist…you think how hard it´s going to be…that you don´t know what machines to use. The first time is uncoomfortable and you’re not sure you did it right…but very soon after you start to see a noticetable change in your body. Not only that but you start to feel GREAT. And from that moment on, you are hooked.

I learnt a lot through my Coaching programmes.

In particular about the PROCESS of moving through stagnancy and into aligned action.

And that’s what I want to share with you today.

I wish to share with you what I learnt from my own stagnancy in the hope that it helps you if you ever get stuck in a rut.

These 3 pointers can be used any time, in any place and are guaranted to work every time.

HOW TO GET OUT OF A RUT IN 3 EASY STEPS

1) Identify where you’re feeling stuck

Get specific on which areas of your life are making you feel like this.

• Work?
• Relationship?
• Personal growth?
• Sense of adventure?

If it feels like the stuckness is an overall thing, try to dig a little deeper into the last 2 examples to see if one resonates with you.

You can ask yourself these 3 questions:

• What’s missing in your life right now?
• What do you want more of?
• What do you want less off?

Now you have identified the specific area you’re feeling stuck in, the next step is to uncover the reason why.

2) Identify why you’re feeling stuck

This will always come down to an unmet need, or a particular way you want to feel but don’t in a certain area.

For example, if your issue is around your work and career, it might be that you’re craving challenge and stimulation. Or maybe you want to feel like you’re working toward something significant and meaningful.

If your issue is around restlessness or general boredom, maybe you’re a person who feels stifled by routine. It might be that you want to feel free, or adventurous, or excited about a new experience. Maybe the feeling of the same day playing out over and over is making you feel almost claustrophobic.

Try to dig down into that unmet need or the feeling you’re craving with these questions:

• What is it that you really want?
• Why do you want it?
• How do you want to feel?

Hopefully now you’ve now got a clear idea of where you’re feeling stuck, and why.

This is where the final step comes in.

3) Create a plan to get unstuck.

To get unstuck, something needs to change. If nothing changes, nothing changes, right?!

The change you need can be big or small – it is totally up to you.

There may be times where you need to make a big change, and other times where a small change will make a big difference.

A big change might involve a new job, or a move across the country (or to another country), travel, starting a business, or launching a project.

A small change can be as simple as spontaneous road trips, a mid-week walk along a beach, taking a class, or volunteering.

To formulate your plan, consider these questions:

• If you could, what would you love to do in regards to this issue?
• What’s the scary option?
• What’s the safe option?

With this in mind:

• What action are you willing to take?
• What resources, skills or knowledge do you need?
• Who could help you?

So, there you have it… Simple but effective and actionable today.

Just remember, any time you encounter this feeling of being stuck in a rut in future, it will always comes back to that unmet need or feeling you’re craving.

I hope you found this newsletter useful.

Love from Abbey x