Doing these 3 things means you’ll never make a bad decision again.

Making decisions is hard.

What if you make the wrong decision?

How can you know if a decision is going to benefit you?

There are so many things to consider:

🌟what you think

🌟how you feel

🌟past experiences

🌟your friends’ and family’s opion

And for those of us who are spiritually connected, it gets even harder!

🤷‍♀️what insights did you get from your last ceremony?

🤷‍♀️what is your intuition saying?

🤷‍♀️are the universal signs telling you yes or no?

There are so many factors to bear in mind, no wonder we often get stuck in uncertainty and doubt.

I am of the belief that everything is working for our higher good.

HOWEVER, I also know from experience that taking the wrong decision has cost me:

❌hundreds of thousands of euros

❌my health & happiness

❌the desire to live

When I was heamorraging money and my health was suffering, life got a whole lot harder.

Here is my story illustrating the consequences of a bad decision, followed by what I learnt.

MY STORY

In January 2020 I sat in my first Ayahuasca ceremony.

It was the catalyst for a Spiritual Awakening which lasted a good few years afterwards.

Although spiritual awakenings are often glamourised, the reality is that they are challenging and painful.

During my Spiritual Awakening I got very CONFUSED.

A lot of things I heard in the Spiritual Community sounded very sexy.

–“time doesn’t exist.”

–“no one’s opinion matters apart from your own”

–“everyone’s on their own journey”.

The truth is there is a lot of bullshit & manipulation.

If you are new on the spiritual scene, it’s easy to get confused and put certain people on a pedestal.

People who don’t have your best interests at heart.

That’s exactly what happened to me.

***Enter my ex, stage left***

For the purposes of this newsletter, we’ll call him Arash.

And that’s literally what he was.

A bad rash.

Arash was different from other men I’d met.

Despite only being 25, he was so sure of himself.

He was convinced that he knew the right way.

And he was very charming.

From the beginning, he was showing typical signs of Narcissicm.

But I was under his spell ✨. I couldn’t recognise the signs.

Very soon after he moved into my flat, he persuaded me he didn´t have to pay rent, and started meddling with my finances.

He convinced me to take 60k out of my savings and invest them into crypto with him managing the funds.

He had no idea what he was doing. But he was damn good at selling himself.

Around the same time I noticed he was irrascible – his moods would change from fun to demonic at the drop of a hat.

But he was charming and had a knack of persuading me it was my fault.

And because I wasn’t rooted in myself, I believed him.

Around a month into our relationship we said started talking about renting the local that was up for rent below my flat. Our idea was to have a place to hold drumming circles and the odd kambo session.

As we started looking around spaces, our idea grew and we realised would need different facilitators to hold sessions.

We made some pretty unfair agreements (which, looking back, are clean signs of maniupation).

We “agreed”:

❌ I would put 120k investment in and him nothing

❌ he would receive a 2k/month from the investment but not me

❌ he would be the CEO & take decisions & my job was to put the money in

Looking back…it sounds absolutely crazy.

Even more so when he told me I couldn’t get involved in the interior design because I didn’t have the experience.. He told me that my being involved would slow the project down…(despite him living rent-free in my beautifully decorated apartment).

So he brought in a girl that he’d met through a dating app.

And I had to pay her…

At the same time, Arash was being very shady about my crypto investment. When I asked him how it was doing, he got very angry and said if I wanted to know I had to organise a time to sit down with him.

Later on he said the opposite and said I needed to learn how to manage the crypto.

It makes me cringe now.

But when you knees deep into being gaslight by a Narcissist, you don’t see it.

Until you do.

The crypto market started crashing and I saw how my money was being flushed down the drain.

And how he didn’t seem to care.

His spell was starting to wear off.

The final nail in the coffin came after 11 months. He started screaming at me in the car, calling me his doormat.

By now he had lost the covert manipulation of a narcissist and was just being a full blown wanker.

Luckily for me.

Because it allowed me to SEE what was happening and cut him out of my life.

If you want to hear the whole story about the narcissistic abuse I suffered for 11 months, click here.

But this was only the beginning.

I was left with a huge centre to pay for in the centre of Barcelona.

I had signed the contract for 2 years.

We had just started renovations costing 80k.

The monthly costs just to break even were 4700€.

And we had zero clients.

You can imagine how I felt when the stark reality of what I had got myself into hit home.

The consequences were soon apparent:

❌ I stopped seeing my friends

❌ My herniated disk flared up

❌ I became hard and rigid in my interactions with people

❌ I lost weight

❌ I stopped laughing

❌ I became a rude and unfriendly from the pressure I felt

❌ I started questioning “what’s the point” of life

I managed to keep going for a year before my dad suggested I close Anahata.

He told me Anahata was a drain on me, and he was right.

Not only on my finances, but on my time, energy, health and happiness.

But the investment?

I wanted to find someone to take over so I could at least get part of my investment back.

I spent another 6 months looking for someone to take on the project.

A few people were interested but it came to nothing.

Eventually I set an ultimatum and decided enough was enough.

I realised that my health and happiness was more important than money.

I had learnt a good deal that would ensure I never make the same mistakes again.

I was finally putting myself first.

THINGS STARTED TO LOOK UP

Saying goodbye to Anahata only brought me relief.

In so many ways.

Over the next year I moved to the countryside, recorded my album, and moved to Peru to be with my love.

Since Anahata, every decision I have taken has nourished me rather than depleted me.

And I started to ask myself why that was.

Why was it that in a certain time in my life, when I was feeling lost, I took decisions that harmed me?

Whereas when I was feeling great and centered, I took decisions that fulfilled me?

I started to look into the formula, and I realised there were some thing that all good decisions had in common.

WHAT I LEARNT

#1: Find your own certainty. Not someone else’s.

Here’s why.

Being lost is uncomfortable. To avoid that discomfort, you will hold on to any direction. Even if it’s not your own.

In your desperation to find certainty, you may end up clinging onto any old unwashed vagabond’s idea to find yourself.

Certainty is a very attractive quality, especially if you are feeling UNcertain.

But certainty that does not come from YOU is where it gets dangerous.

It’s important to remember that I am talking in the context of taking BIG decisions.

(I am not talking about little decisions you have to make).

Let me illustrate with one of my own examples.

Last year I was invited to sing on stage with a friend at Mantrafest Ibiza. I was scared and initially said no. But my friend Anita was so certain that this would be good for me, that I was able to lean on her certainty. It turned out great!

But when it comes to BIG, LIFE-CHANGING decisions, like:

❌investing money

❌moving countries

❌having a baby

❌quitting your 9-5

You HAVE to find that certainty within yourself.

Because otherwise you take a decision and it turns out not the be the right one and YOU are the one who has to face the consequences.

#2: Take big decisions when you’re in a good place.

When I was in a bad place, all the decisions I took were coming from a bad place.

A place of:

❌desperation

❌disconnection

❌neediness

And decisions coming from a bad place lead to bad consequences.

In the Spiritual world people will say “there are no bad decisions.”

Well I believe that’s bullshit 💩💩💩

That line of thinking stops us taking the responsability for our lives and learning and sharing.

If I had had more awareness. If I had recognised the signs, I would have avoided losing hundreds of thousands of euros.

Of course in the end everything turned out OK.

I was able to turn my lemons to lemonade.

But having lived this experience, my advice to anyone taking a life-changing decision if you know you are not in a good place, is:

🥇STOP

🥈BREATHE

🥉ASSESS

Don’t rush the decision from desperation.

When you take a decision from a good place, you will not be running away from your problems.

But running TOWARDS your health, happiness and freedom.

#3 ASK FOR INPUT FROM TRUSTED SOURCES.

This is not to be confused with #1: find your own certainty.

You must absolutely find your own certainty.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for input from trusted sources to help you get there.

While it’s crucial to trust your instincts, neglecting the advice or perspectives of trusted friends, family, or mentors can limit your viewpoint.

Go out and seek diverse opinions and weigh them against your values, like, dislikes and goals.

If you are not sure what your values, likes & goals are then do the work to uncover them before taking a decision.

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

Let me give you an example.

I love working alone. I hate working with schedules. I love working digitally so I can move around. I value freedom, peace, vitality and creativity.

So…WHY ON EARTH DID I OPEN A CENTRE ?!…

…where I had to manage people, schedules and a physical building that meant I couldn’t travel around?!?! Where the pressure of managing a centre meant I had no room for creative expression and my vitality was at an all time low?!

Now that I know myself it seems so clear…but it wasn’t when I couldn’t see the horizon through the trees.

Let me give you another example.

I love coaching online. I love drinking Ayahuasca. I love holding Singing Circles. I love Peru. I value peace, vitality, creativity.

Considering all of this, it made perfect sense that I should move to Peru this year where I can all of the things I love. And where my energy feel strong and my creativity is through the roof.

Once you are clear on your values, likes, dislikes & strengths than you start to know yourself.

And once you know yourself, you know what is going to bring you energy and what is going to deplete you of energy.

So you can ask for opinions and you know in yourself if that opinion resonates with you or not.

From that knowledge, it is much easier to take a decision that will benefit you.

TO SUMMARISE

Taking a decision can be hard. Especially when you are lacking clarity on WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU WANT and WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD:

Gaining the certainty within you is the most important thing you can do for yourself.

BUT HOW CAN YOU FIND THAT CERTAINTY?

Here are 3 tips I have tried and tested, and that I use with my clients to help gain that certainty.

1) Write your morning pages until the clarity arrives. Every day, 2-3 pages. Normally it takes around 2 pages until the REAL emotions start coming out. This is where you want to get to. It’s like the bile in your kambo cermony. Getting in touch with the bitter emotions is what will help you arrive at clarity. If you don´t have time to write 2-3 pages a day…how much is your clarity really worth to you?!

2) Hire a coach. There’s plenty of support out there. Find someone you resonate with and ask yourself if you vibe with their content. If they are walking the talk. If they are investing in their own professional development with their own coach.

3) Pray. I have learnt not to underestimate the power of prayer. The universe is always there conspiring with us. Remember that 50% of prayer is GIVING THANKS. That keeps us in the energy of abundance and gratitude. So ask for what you want…but don’t forget to give thanks for that you already have.

And a final thing to take into consideration.

🚪🌟 WAIT FOR THE DOORS TO OPEN 🚪🌟

You may have the clarity & be connected in with yourself.

But until the pieces of the puzzle fall into place, you will still be pushing a stone up a mountain.

Otherwise you will be forcing things, and that doesn´t feel good for you OR the universe.

The universe will push back and obstacles will arise in your way.

Let me give you a personal example.

I realised I wanted to move to Peru 2 years ago. BUT I still had Anahata and I hadn’t got the financial structure in place yet to justify the move.

It wouldn’t have worked 2 years ago because I would have been running away from my life.

But this year that the pieces all fell into place:

👍🏼My coaching practise was established

👍🏼I had let go of Anahata

👍🏼I realised I had feelings for my friend who lived in Cusco

These were the moving pieces that finally aligned

THAT is what I mean by waiting for the doors to open.

THAT is what I mean by running TOWARDS something.

And when happens, it will be coming from a place of grounded certainty.

There’ll be no stopping you!

I hope you enjoyed this week’s newsletter

Love from Abbey xx

p.s.: if you are looking for certainty and clarity in your life, drop me an email and let´s chat.

pp.ss: I have.a new song out on Spotify called GATHER THE WOMEN.. Listen by clicking the link below,