I was sitting 21 floors above the beach in my swanky Barcelona office.

Midway through interviewing a candidate for a role within our company, my imposter syndrome was rearing its ugly head.

It didn’t make sense.

I had a great job.

I lived in a great city.

I had a great social life.

So why was I feeling so uncomfortable?

I’d experienced a similar feeling a few times in my life. But there was something extra toe curling about this particular occasion.

This discomfort quickly began getting worse.

And the more I tried to hide it, the stronger it began.

During the interview I started to feel very uncomfortable. I began to sweat. I felt my face getting redder and redder.

I could hear the clock ticking and wondered why this interview was taking so long.

The tone of my own voice was higher than usual and sounded ridiculous.

I hoped the candidate couldn’t tell that I was a fraud and didn’t know what I was talking about.

Were my sentences even making sense?

I knew that the the head of IT who was sitting in on the interview thought I couldn’t do my job.

Fast forward 15 minutes.

As the interview ended, the Head of IT came up to me, smiled and said “great find, Abbey. Let’s hire him.”

I felt relieved that I had managed to survive a moment longer without being discovered for the fake I really was.

It felt surreal that my experience of the interview had been so different from his.

The whole situation made my toes curl up.

HOW DID HE NOT NOTICE?!

This disparity between what I and others experienced in the same moment is what finally made me go and see a psychologist.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

If you have ever experienced Imposter Syndrome, then you will have felt the hot cloud of shame flood your insides.

It is a debilitating condition that causes great anxiety. It doesn’t allow you to recognise your own abilities and success, despite being high-performing on the outside. This condition often leaves you feeling like a “fraud” or a “fake”, terrified of being “found out”.

The pain of that May time experience left me feeling

disconnected

hyper vigilant

anxious

worthless

I had no idea that it is a common experience that happens to many people.

If I had known that perhaps I wouldn’t have thought there was something wrong with me.

Giving voice to my Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome is tightly bound with shame.

Shame gets us by the jugular, by going for the most vulnerable parts of us.

Since shame is a controlling device, we will do anything to avoid feeling that shame. Including pretending the thing that is shaming us doesn’t exist.

This is why it is so hard to talk about.

I thought that if I gave voice to it, it would become more REAL.

When in reality, the opposite was true.

By SPEAKING about it, I was able to loosen its grip over me.

What’s more, I realised that this “Imposter Syndrome” is a completely normal reaction for someone living a life not meant for them.

It’s a response to being in an environment that goes against ones values, health and emotions. (You can read about the consequences of working a job I was never aligned with in my previous newsletter here.)

And not only that, but that in fact Imposter Syndrome is a SUPER POWER.

Say what?!

Yes, that’s right, a super power.

I saw clearly how Imposter Syndrome was my body showing me the way.

It was physically reacting to what deep down wasn’t right for me.

And if I didn’t listen…my body just started screaming louder and louder until I did.

This was a game changer!

As I started to follow my internal compass, I began to learn so much about myself.

–I work better alone…so why was I working in an office?

–I am incredibly creative… so why was I working at a computer with an excel?

— I am an achiever (according to the Gallup strength finder – buy the book with built in assessment here) so why would I work for a company that caps my achievement?

As I started to unlearn my conditioning, I began to discard so many ideas that had prevented me from accessing my true north

That the only “right” job was working 0900-0500

That having a stable income was the most important

That it was safer to work for somebody else rather than myself.

And when I realised none of that was true I realised we´ve been lied to.

I mean, how “right” is a job that makes you question your mental stability?

How “safe” it is working for a company that can fire you at any minute?

How “stable” is an income from a company that may make cuts whenever they please?

Moving on from Corporate

In February 2020 I made the decision to leave corporate to follow my dream of becoming a Coach.

I enrolled in a Masters in Leadership, Emotional Intelligence & Coaching at EAE Business School.

At this point I had not even considered that music would be an equally big part of my path.

But as the cage started coming off and my wings started unfurling, things became clearer.

My passions started to show themselves.

But I want to be real about this change.

It wasn’t easy.

—I hated my Coaching Masters at EAE Business School and didn´t feel connected with the heavy focus on business content or the people.

—My under-active thyroid and Hashimoto’s Autoimmune Disease were causing me major issues. I was feeling confused, exhausted and hostile towards everyone.

—I started going out with a Narcissistic partner who persuaded me to let him manage my money. Investing in crypto and Anahata, I lost hundreds of thousands of euros.

But I believed in a better life than the one I was leaving behind.

I believed in waking up every day feeling energised, clear headed and eager to get on with my day.

I believed in starting my day not feeling like an Imposter in my own life.

I believed in getting paid even more than corporate by working for myself and doing what I love.

And so I made a commitment to myself.

The Committment

When I first started my Singing Circles in Barcelona only 3 people came.

But I showed up every week, because I believed that with consistency and passion I could create the life of my dreams.

I had a vision of the life I wanted. I had clarity on the purpose I was here to unfold. I stuck to both of those things.

I invested tens of thousands of euros in my own self development.

From Coaching, to Psychotherapy, to Tony Robbins, to Plant Medicine, to Biodescodification, to Sound Healing.

All this so that I could break away from the chains of what I believed was possible.

So I could create a life that was deeply fulfilling.

Some days I doubted.

Some days I got so distracted.

Some days I thought I’d never get there.

But remembering the pain of my Imposter Syndrome and what it had taught me kept me going.

And so I continued. Step by step.

And the result?

—I have recorded an album!! (i had to put exclamation marks because the old Abbey would never ever have dreamed this)

—I have moved to the countryside

—I have created a thriving coaching business

—I work with aligned clients who are seeing huge transformation in their lives

—My relationship with my family is better than ever

—My 3 passion – music, medicine and coaching has become an ecosystem that feed itself.

—I work from anywhere I want.

—And most importantly, I am happy.

Does this mean my life is sorted?

Absolutely not.

I am still working to forgive my narcissistic ex partner.

I have severe PMS and want to kill everything and everything in my sight for around a week a month

I still have moments of doubt & insecurity becuase I’m HUMAN.

But I know that the best way to move through those is to continue working towards my goals – to take the next smallest step in order to move the needle.

To Summarise

Life is not easy. But it’s a great deal easier when you are living your passion.

It’s hard to commit daily to your own growth. It’s a hell of a lot harder not to.

It’s scary to invest money in your own self development. It’s much scarier to feel regret 10 years down the line.

You have to believe in a life that you really want to live.

You have to believe in how you really want to feel.

You have to believe that you can find what it is that you are on this planet to do.

Because when you find it your whole life changes.

If you suffer from Imposter Syndrome and are ready to transform it into a super power, then here are 3 easy steps you can take today:

1) Write down in which situations you feel like an Imposter. Allow yourself to really feel the discomfort. 

2) Write down where you are not being authentic with yourself. Something makes you feel like an Imposter because you are PRETENDING. What are you pretending?

3) If you didn’t have to pretend anymore, what would you rather be doing? If you are unsure ask yourself “what would my friends say I am very picky with?”

I hope this newsletter inspired you to leave behind what causes you harm and suffering and move towards what you know deep down you are here to do.

Love from Abbey xxx

p.s. – if you want support to step into your power, passion and purpose, I have a few spots open to work with 1-on-1 clients so get in touch and let’s schedule a time to talk.

The post How Imposter Syndrome transformed my life first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post How Imposter Syndrome transformed my life appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

My friends got me. But many people didn’t.

I remember one friend saying people either loved me or hated me.

I didn’t like that. I wanted everyone to love me. We’ll come back to that point later.

Many people thought I was weird. But they said it with a smile as if there was something that amused them about my wierdness.

It took me 20 years to figure out why that was.

As you get older you start to appreciate weirdness as uniqueness and authenticity

But when you’re younger you don’t want to stand out too much.

Standing out is dangerous incase:

• you’re rejected from the crowd
• people judge you for being different
• the bullies come after you.

But even so, I couldn’t help feeling distinct from my peers.

• I didn’t like wearing makeup like all the other girls
• I wasn’t interested in going clubbing
• I’d rather practise the piano than go out and get drunk
• Eating certain foods would leave me feeling very depleted
• I didn’t like loud crowds of big groups of people

But I did these things anyway.

I wanted to fit in.

It’s only with hindsight that I realise I was always Highly Sensitive as a child.

To light

To loud noise

To chemicals

To gluten/lactose

To others’ discomfort

To criticism.

This brought up a lot of shame.

It was difficult being Highly Sensitive in a society that indoctrinates you that eating junk food, buying the latest gadget and drinking alcohol every night are what you should desire.

Luckily for me, my quirkiness also manifested as humour. This helped me out in many situations.

I used it to hide my High Sensitivity. I thought that was a bad thing that would leave me very vulnerable to attack.

It enabled me to stand up to the bullies.

Being funny is a gift because you can say things in a way that is very palatable. You can say things in a way and that even brings joy to the tormenter wishing to inflict pain.

But it’s also a hindrance.

I was unable to have a serious conversation because of my need to make a joke

I was unable to be a supportive partner because I was looking for every situation to be hilarious.

Just like Chandler from Friends, I was using humour as a defence mechanism to protect myself from the pain of reality.

My Awakening

When I had my Awakening in February 2020 (see article about my Awakening here) I saw the mechanics of my mind in full play and I rejected them.

I saw the way I used humour to deflect. As a result I began to associate humour WITH deflecting.

I also saw how many people use humour at the EXPENSE of someone else.

I started to think humour was a bad thing.

At around the same time I did an online personal development course called LANDMARK.

It was deeply damaging.

Over the course of a weekend it brainwashed us into disconnecting with our emotions or the emotions of other people so that we could be “free”.

It taught us not to react.

And the effect on me was that I began to think that it was weak to display normal human reactions.

I tried to erase parts of my personality that I thought were “bad” and only keep the parts that were “good”.

I created an avatar of myself that I thought would be more acceptable in spiritual circles.

And the result?

• I became very vanilla
• I lost my sparkle
• I didn’t want to express an opinion
• I didn’t want to offend anyone
• I tried to “get rid” of negative emotions like anger
• I became very serious

And the consequences?

• I fell into a Dark Night of the Soul
• People took advantage of me
• My health deteriorated
• I attracted a narcissist into my life
• I started a project that was never my dream and lost thousands
• I went against my friends and family

This phase lasted around 3 years.

So what changed?

With hindsight, I was always doing the work that would bring me back on track.

But I was fast-tracked back into reality with the failure of my studio, Anahata.

I think the BIGGEST lesson was having everything crumble apart and being forced to recognise that my life wasn’t working.

That this was not the way.

I learnt that it’s all very well trying to be all spiritual and sing for love and light. But, but when you have a centre that’s making huge loses, whose going to pay the bills!?

Not Shiva or Shakti…

Recognising my humanness, my fragility & my failure humbled me.

It brought me to my knees.

My biggest fear was failure because deep down I thought it would lead to abandonment.

But recognising that I was supported by friends and family DESPITE my failure changed something in me.

I realised that to fail was to be human.

And that to be human was to be loved.

If I could still be loved by others in my weakest moment, then I could love myself.

And loving myself meant loving EVERY part of myself.

My light and my darkness.

My good and my bad.

And from that moment on I was able to start embracing my weirdness again.

It didn’t happen overnight.

But slowly….

I started to smile again… I started to make jokes again…

And life began to look up.

I started seeing a Coach to create my online Coaching Business. This was single handedly the BIGGEST process of personal transformation I have ever experienced.

Around this time I also took a Strength Test (by Gallup – available on Amazon) and it blew my breath away.

I realised that parts of myself that I had been trying to “erase” were actually my strengths.

This was a game changer.

Before I thought I needed to sit and meditate away my need to achieve and be highly productive. Whereas after, I realised that being a HIGH ACHIEVER is an integral part of who I am.

By embracing these parts of myself I have able to create my day in a way that is conducive to my creativity. By using the first hours of the day when my energy is strongest to create and write, and the afternoon hours to coach and practise music.

My drive has increased because my commitment and consistency to my creativity is paying off and I’m seeing the results.

It’s like a self-feeding machine.

How does my weirdness inspire the content I create?

I receive a lot of compliments on the content I create on Instagram, especially the funny videos.

These videos were the brainchild of two things:

1) The Coaching I received from my coach Jeff Agostinelli

2) Accepting all parts of me, ESPECIALLY my inner weirdness.

In particular:

-the part of me that like to speak in different voices

-the part of me that secretly wants to be an actress

-the part of me that secretly wants to be a stand up comedian

-the part of me that feels ANGRY at incoherence

-the part of me that is obsessed by rhythm and melody

More than anything, my creativity came about by allowing myself to be ME. This meant laughing at myself instead of trying to be some spiritual person up on a pedestal.

A lot of the videos are me ridiculing myself for the times I have SAID AND DONE all of the spiritual nonsense I poke fun at in my videos.

The result?

• I am HAPPY because I don’t have to hide parts of myself anymore.
• My CREATIVITY is on fire because the energy that I used to consume in HOLDING MYSELF BACK and PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE I WASN’T has been freed up.
• I am creating SOULFUL, DEEP CONNECTIONS because I am being myself rather than some holier-than-though social media guru.
• I am attracting aligned clients for my online coaching business
• I have created regular, sold-out Heart Singing Circles in Barcelona (join my next one here)
• I have recorded my first album, out in February 2024!

This is why I come back to failure and humility as being the biggest teachers. Once you fail you don’t have anything to fear. You see first hand that the sun still rises, you are still breathing and people still love you.

You learn from living what you DONT want what is really important to you.

And for me that is peace, health and happiness.

And now I feel blessed to have been able to find a path that accepts and uses all the parts of me:

• The sensitive part: to support other Highly Sensitive people through coaching
• The musical part: to lead singing circles and record my album
• The funny part: to make content out of the way I see life to touch people’s hearts.
• The wise part: to share my life experiences in this newsletter and see it growing week by week

And finally understood what my friend meant when she said “some people love you, others hate you”.

She was giving me the greatest compliment of all.

She was saying that I was AUTHENTIC.

And the price of authenticity is that some people won’t get you.

And that’s OK. It´s supposed to be like that.

It’s called POLARISATION.

The more authentically you express yourself, the more some people will be attracted to you and others will be repelled by you.

And the people who are attracted to you, they will be there for life!

When I was 16 I couldn’t understand why some people wouldn’t like me and some would love me. I wanted everyone to love me.

Back then I didn’t understand the rules of the game.

Now, every video that I post on Instagram, I lose around 10 followers. And I gain even more because the people who vibe with me share my reels and their friends add me.

Now I understand.

Summing It Up

Allowing yourself to express yourself freely is important.

Not only for you, your happiness and your health.

But also for others.

There is nobody else on this Earth with your uniqueness. There is nobody else on this entire planet exists who has your DNA and who has had your life experiences. The way that you understand the world and make sense out of it is EXACTLY the way somebody else needs to hear it in order for it to make sense for them.

By more radically embracing your authenticity and WEIRDNESS, you are going to help others who need your medicine.

So find your unique expression. AND TURN THE VOLUME UP.

If you are looking to get in touch with your inner weirdness and create what you are here to create, the following 3 questions may help you:

1) How were you different from other kids when you were younger?

2) What things kill your natural sparkle but you do them anyway?

3) What part of you have you been hiding in case you are rejected?

And if you feel like sharing them with me, I would love to hear from you!

I hope this helps!

Wishing you a beautiful week ahead.

Love from Abbey xxx

P.S: I have a couple of spots open for 1:1 coaching. If you are looking to unleash your inner creativity to find out what your purpose is and how to bring it to life, then I have a 12 step programme just for you. Book a time to chat here

The post How accepting my inner weirdness improved my creativity first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post How accepting my inner weirdness improved my creativity appeared first on Abbey Sykes.