Why I’m leaving my happy life in Barcelona to move to Peru for 3 months

I am part of a wonderful community in Barcelona. I live in a beautiful house in the mountains with friends and run a thriving Singing Circle.

So why would I leave it all?

The answer is LOVE.

But, for logic’s sake, let’s start at the beginning.

THE BEGINNING

For those who have known me for…any amount of time…you will know that I have a long-standing love affair with Peru.

I first set feet in the Motherland when I was 23 years old.

My boyfriend at the time didn’t want to join me.

But that wasn´t going to stop me!

I went alone, and it changed the course of my life.

I look back on the first time I climbed Macchu Piccu as a spiritual experience.

I didn’t even consider myself spiritual at the time.

But there was something magical about waking up at 3 in the morning and leaving the small town of Aguas Calientes on foot to climb the Inca-sized steps leading up the mountain.

When I returned back to England, I was a changed woman.

✅I broke up with my partner.

✅I decided to leave England.

✅I interviewed for a job in Barcelona and was successful.

That was 11 years ago. The rest is history.

SPAIN

I moved to Barcelona in summer 2013.

The first year I was mesmorised by the city.

It was like Never Ever Land.

But very soon after, my health, relationships and career started failing. Read about that *HERE*

That is what led me to the healing path.

It started down the typical route

⭐️psychotherapy

⭐️diagnosis of food intolerances

⭐️diagnosis of autoimmune disease

And that’s when I started looking for real answers.

**Enter Ayahuasca**

MY AYAHUASCA EXPERIENCE

When I sat in my first ceremony in January 2020 it all started to make sense.

The plant came from Peru. It was literally Pacha Mama speaking directly with me.

I understood why I had had such a connection with Peru back in 2012.

I understood my life had been altered by that first visit to Peru.

It had altered the course of my life and put me on the right path so that I could heal.

AND I HEALED SO MUCH!

In the next year I would go on to leave my soul-destroying 9-5, learn the guitar and start writing music.

And in that first, life-altering weekend I met Nilton.

He had come to play music in ceremony.

He served me my first rapé.

We had a special connection from the beginning.

But it was purely platonic.

We became friends.

The next year, when I hopped on a plane and returned to Peru, I hung out with him as well as my other friends in the Sacred Valley.

He showed me some cool spots and I felt very comfortable with him.

Whenever he was in Spain we would hang out, and the same when I was in Peru.

He is a very good musician and I have always loved learning from him. He taught me a lot of the songs we share together in circle.

I remember the thought crossing through my mind when I was last in Peru in summer 2022 “I could never be with Nilton because of XYZ”.

My mind came up with a million reasons why we could never be together.

Because:

❌ he was shorter than me

❌ he was older than me

❌ he lived in Peru

❌ he had kids

I thought what my mind was telling me was THE TRUTH. I didn’t realise that it was showing me all the blockages my mind had to work so I could receive love. So I could open up to the idea of being with someone who ACTUALLY RESPECTS ME.

It’s hard though when we’ve been sold the disney idea of what our prince would look like. What my MIND thought I wanted was something along the lines of:

✅tall

✅European

✅bilingual

But where did that land me?

Toxic relationship after toxic relationship.

That’s what happens when you look with your eyes, not with your heart.

When I got back from Peru in 2022 I missed Nilton so much. But I was busy with my centre Anahata and so I settled back into Barcelona life.

However, upon my return to Europe I did put on my visionboard “put the financial structure in place to move to Peru by 2024”.

I tried to fish out a picture for this newsletter but after an hour scrolling through my phone, I gave up. You’ll have to make do with the mental image.

Once day Nilton sent me a message telling me that he had developed feelings for me while I was in Peru… but I didn’t feel the same.

I shared that with him and he understood and never mentioned it again.

It didn’t affect our friendship. We continued senidng each other messages, voice messages and videos of each other playing music.

It’s not that I forgot about Peru. But I had other pressing matters to attend to, like Anahata.

My friend Benjo told me that one day everything would align for me to go there.

I prayed it would be so. But didn’t really believe it.

I was also starting to worry that I would never meet anyone.

And besides, I had VERY particular needs.

Where on EARTH would I meet someone who:

⭐️was mature & had a trajectory of inner work under his belt?

⭐️might be prepared to move to The Sacred Valley one day

⭐️played music?

⭐️enjoyed a good Ayahuasca ceremony like I did

⭐️was grounded with a stable job

⭐️was respected in his community

⭐️didn’t need anything from me

⭐️had integrity, kindness, presence & devotion

It seemed the odds were stacked against me.

I remember a friend once suggested maybe I already knew who I was going to fall in love with.

I literally went through all my guy friends one by one.

I was like, “nope, nope, nope, DEFINITELY nope…”

But in February this year 2 things happened which opened up a door on my path and put me in touch with my deepest desires.

THE POWER OF SHARING

In February I was playing some music at my beloved Makwee Women’s Retreat.

In the intention setting, I took a risk and decided to leave behind the shield of protection I often wear as a facilitator. I chose to share how I was feeling, warts and all.

I stood up and expressed my frustation that I hadn’t met partner yet. I remember feeling embarrassed to share that I was feeling this way…but I had to be honest. I said out loud “I’m doing all the work on myself so… “where the fuck is he?!”

Having the courage to express that was very rewarding because sisters kept coming up to me all weekend saying “he´s on his way. You´re going to meet him very soon.”

And I started to believe it.

The same month, I had a transcendental experience in the forest that changed everything

RELEASE

In February I was feeling very pre-menstrual.

I was stressed, angry and frustrated.

I felt called to wonder into the forest near my house.

By now I knew better than to ignore my instinct.

I took a left turn and turned onto a path I’d never set foot on.

After a few winding minutes it opened up to a beautiful green valley.

I sat there in the stillness and contemplated my life.

I felt Mother Nature holding me with her all-embracing love.

I was humbled by her presence and all-knowingness.

And there in the forest, I burst into tears and cried and cried and cried.

And the clarity and the peace that came through in that moment were that not only did I want to find my partner . But I also wanted to have a baby.

Up until that moment I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mum.

But the clarity came through loud and strong.

On my way home the song Release came through, word for word.

You can listen to it *here*

It will be released on Spotify in the next months.

THE MAGIC OF MANIFESTATION

Life continued. I got on with my day to day.

I didn’t think anything else of it.

And the next month, Nilton came over from Peru.

My friend Desi who knows us both said to be before he arrived “babe, wouldn’t it be amazing if you and Nilton got together”.

I feel bad but I literally shuddered and said “no way.”

He was my friend – it was weird for me to think of him in any other way.

Even so, it was always so easy with him. He was respectful, kind, curious and never tried anything with me. That’s why I felt so safe with him.

And the conversation with him just FLOWED. We could talk about everything and anything.

We went to Ibiza with some dear friends for a magical ceremony by Es vedrá, our other friend Jamie flew in from Peru and we travelled around Catalunya.

And the whole time I felt myself wanting to be closer…

and closer…

…and closer

to Nilton.

His presence…his integrity…his curiosity in me…his HUMILITY!

I started noticing what beautiful long eyelashes he had.

I loved the sound of his voice.

I couldn’t wait for everyone to leave so it would just me him driving along, talking, laughing, reminiscing.

And I felt a deep sadness that he would be leaving soon and I wouldn´t see him for a long time.

I started imagining what it would be like to kiss him.

And on his final night, I felt my heart open fully to him.

BUT…

there was an obstacle.

My shyness.

How does one say “I have developed feelings for you and I need to tell you?”

Well apparently, just like that.

But my shyness got the better of me and I waited until he was in Madrid boarding his flight back to Peru to tell him.

His response was so beautiful.

“You have made me the happiest man alive. You know that I have had feelings for you for a long time.”

Since then we´ve been speaking every day, two, three times a day.

And things are going well.

I don’t feel the fiery sparks of youthful passion. My experience with those is that they burn out pretty quickly.

What I do feel a strong, stable inner fire that burns consistently.

And that makes me feel very FULL inside.

Which means that now we can pivot back to the title of this story.

TODAY, SATURDAY 10TH AUGUST, I AM MOVING TO PERU FOR 3 MONTHS.

Originally I had booked my flights for 3 weeks. But when I realised that this love story could actually have a future, I took the reigns of my life and decided to FIND OUT FOR REAL.

And everything has aligned, just as Benjo said it would:

🦙I will work from Peru.

🦙Pakandé is going to lead our Singing Circles while I´m away

🦙I´ve rented out my room to a dear friend

🦙I´ve even rented out my car

❤️I am going to a place that I have loved for 12 years.

❤️I have beautiful friends out there who I´m looking forward to spending more time with.

❤️My dear Nilton is out there waiting for me.

And I’m leaving on a high.

I heard once it’s better to run towards something than to run away from something.

And that´s exaclty how I feel.

Had I moved years ago I would definitely have been running away from my failing centre Anahata. I needed to build myself up again in order to be riding the wave of life.

And now that I am, I will only accept situations & relationships which are good, if not BETTER than what I currently have.

(which is pretty damn great and I feel very lucky).

And let’s be VERY realistic about this.

I don’t know if it´s going ot work out.

I am excited and nervous and happy and scared all rolled into one.

But I have a chance at love. In a place that I love. Surrounded by people that I love.

It’s true it may not work out.

We never know what life has in store for us.

But as my dad says, you have to task a risk in order to find out.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of my newsletter.

Stay tuned to hear how I get on in Peru!

Love from Abbey

ps – Listen to my new song Embrace Your Shadow here.