Why your feminine energy is holding you back

It’s all the rage to focus only on our feminine energy.

New Age Spirituality will have us believe this is the “new way of working”.

That it’s “the new paradigm”.

I disagree.

Here’s why.

MY STORY

When I first became spiritual I completely rejected my masculine energy.

I would say “I used to be so in my Masculine” like it was a bad thing.

I started to judge all the “masculine” traits that made me a high-achiever, such as:

🌟EFFICIENCY. (I enjoyed through my task list like a doberman on cacao)

🌟CLARITY OF COMMUNICATION ( I always preferred getting straight to the point rather than beating around the bush).

🌟MOTIVATION (5am wakeups to study Chinese for an hour before work).

But all that changed when I became “spiritual”.

I started to believe that these traits were BAD.

After my awakening back in 2020, I was reading a lot of New Age spiritual literature. It talking about the old paradigm of working hard.

I believed that what I needed to do to CURE myself from this was to sit on a cushion and meditate.

I started to subscribe to the belief that in order to be spiritual I needed to “do less” and “be more”.

But this had consequences.

Because I was going against my natural tendencies.

I was trying to be a version of myself that I naturally was not.

✅I wanted to be in flow.

❌But the result was that I had no direction.

✅I wanted to honour my body.

❌But the result was I slept in and didn’t get anything done.

✅I wanted to manifest stuff into my life.

❌But I wasn’t putting in the ground work here in the material world.

On top of that I started spouting spiritual jargon like “time doesn´t exist”.

The result?

I couldn’t follow a schedule. I wasn’t able to maximise my day.

CONSEQUENCES

I started to feel blocked. I wanted to move forwards with my life and create and achieve…but I just couldn’t.

I didn’t have a goal.

Without a goal I had no objectives.

So I found myself floundering around.

This left my self-esteem near my knees.

I felt purposeless. Like a paper boat being blown around on stormy seas. I had no idea of where my True North was.

This left me comparing myself to others who seemed to have such clarity and direction in their lives. I USED TO HAVE THIS. WHERE HAD IT GONE?!

IF ONLY I´D KONWN THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW!!

If only I´d know that I was experiencing symptoms of my energy poles being out of balance.

But since I didn’t know this…I blamed MYSELF..

I thought there was something wrong with me and started to spiral into self-blame.

I thought I didn’t have what it takes.

I didn’t realise that the very thing I was running away from was the thing that would being me back into alignment.

My Masculine Energy.

SO WHAT ABOUT THE FEMININE?

Now don’t get me wrong. I love my feminine qualities too.

✨creativity

✨intuition

✨empathy

✨nurturing

It’s just that being TOO in my feminine had consequences.

I NEEDED TO BRING THE BALANCE BACK

I brought balance back into my life through a project that ultimately failed.

But it didn´t fail for the reason you’d think.

Let me explain.

At the end of 2020 I started a project called Anahata with my ex partner.

I invested a significant amount of my own money into the venture.

I rented a local with very high rent.

We decided on an opening date for January 2022.

What more motivation did I need?!

If you’ve ever had money tied up in a project, you´ll know that it gives you a humungous spark of determination to see that thing succeed.

You will go to any length not to lose your money.

And even if I hadn’t had so much money tied up in the project…the mere act of having an opening date and inviting hundreds of people along had the same effect.

I wanted it to work.

My name was on the line.

Since my money AND name was tied up in this venture, I had double reasons to make it work.

Suddenly I had found my purpose and motivation.

✨I would wake up at 6am

✨I would work all day

✨I would go to bed at midnight

Anahata was my baby and I wanted it to survive.

I was the mother and Anahata was my newborn. I gave that project everything it needed, even at my own expense, to see it grow and thrive.

No longer could I go to different retreats and workshops at the weekends.

I had to be home, working and creating.

This was very grounding for my often flighty energy.

I remember my friend Carla saying to me “this project has been really grounding for you Abbey. You have to be here now.”

And it was true.

During this process I learnt that google calender was my best friend.

I saw that all the traits I had rejected just a few years before were actually working in my favour.

They say you want something done, give it to the busiet person in the room.

A busy person is already used to delivering a certain output each day.

And that was definitely the case for me!

I was a machine.

And when my partner and I broke up, me and Jenny single handedly managed to get the project off the ground.

SO HOW DID IT END?

As many of you know, Anahata closed its doors in July 2023.

Despite the huge amounts of work we put into it, ultimately I realised that it was not my purpose or my passion.

Anahata has GIVEN me purpose.

But it was not MY purpose.

In the past I had a tendency to stay in things much longer that I should. You can read about that experience here

But now I could see clearly.

I realised I was investing a huge amount of my time and energy into a project that ultimately did not bring me joy.

And I had a vision of how incredible it would be to invest that time and energy into MYSELF. Into what I REALLY WANTED TO DO.

➡️How many more people could I help?

➡️How much more would I be able to create?

And so I handed back the keys to Anahata.

I made peace with the fact that I had lost all my investment.

And over the following year I:

🌳moved to the countryside

🌳created my coaching business

🌳recorded my album

You can follow my journey here

I don´t think that any of that woyuld have been possible without relying on my masculine energy.

It was this Masculine Energy that allowed me to:

✅show up even when I was tired

✅create and stick to objectives

✅work consistently towards my goals DESPITE the setbacks.

I´m also grateful to my feminine energy that allows me:

🌹to take my daily siesta in the garden

🌹space and time to create my music

🌹 to cook up my ideas for my insta videos.

The key is that both energies are BALANCED.

❌Too much feminine, and I would have had many ideas but not been able to create any of them.

❌Too much masculine and I would have become rigid and controlling.

Getting the balance right is the hardest thing.

And the most rewarding.

TIPS TO BRING BALANCE

If you feel your energies might be out of balance, then here are some ideas that could help you.

I have included ideas from the energetic, phyiscal, and mental planes so that all bases are covered!

1. DRUM. Grab a shamanic drum and start beating. Feel the Earthy vibrations and notice where in your body the sensations are strongest.
2. LIFT WEIGHTS. Pushing yourself physically and accessing your bodily power beyond everyday routine it a great way to get you in touch with your masculine energy
3. SET AN AGGRESSIVE GOAL AT WORK.. Do something that requires a mental push from you. Something you can focus all your attention on. If you are not currently working, consider creating a Meet-up event and inviting your friends. Don’t think too much about it. Find the venue, set the date, and watch the magic happen.

I hope this newsletter was useful to you!

Let me know if you try out any of these ideas.

And you have any questions feel free to reach out to me. I love to hear from you!

Love from Abbey xxx