I was 25 when I decided to leave the UK and move to Barcelona to build a new life.

I was 27 when I decided to leave my six year teaching career to retrain as an HR specialist.

I was 31 when I decided to leave my career in HR to retrain as a Coach.

I was 33 when I released my first album (which you can listen to here).

I was 35 when I decided to move to Peru to take a chance on love.

Now I’m 37.  And I’ve just had my first baby.

(Which, by the way, makes me a geriatric mother according to the medical system).

But it’s not about age.

It’s the stories we TELL ourselves about our age.

My point is that whatever year you were born, it’s easy to think you’re too old (or too young for that matter).

But that’s just your mind keeping you small.

I remember my first boyfriend having a breakdown at 26 because he wanted to leave Air Traffic Control and he didn’t know what else he could do.

He was literally going crazy thinking that it was too late for him to start all over again.

I’m sure if he looked back now he would recognise that he was but a spring chicken and back then the world was his oyster.

But it’s difficult to see that at the time.

Because we’re do focussed on where we think we SHOULD be.

Which is ludicrous if you think about it.

Because when you look back at your life path, all the pieces of the puzzle slot into place.

You can’t be anywhere but right where you are.

It’s just that you can’t see that looking forwards.

Only in hindsight.

Imagine that you are your 80 year old self right now, looking backwards to your present age.

See that possibility and opportunity lies in store for you?!

You have so many adventures still to come.

But you need to give yourself permission.

SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR YOU?

Maybe right now you are in a career that sucks the soul out of you.

Maybe you are in a relationship that you know deep down isn’t for you.

Maybe you want to go travelling but don’t have anyone to go with.

Maybe you dream of moving to Spain but you don’t know any Spanish.

If not now, than when?!

You’re not getting any younger and time’s not getting any slower.

My mum left her job as a solicitor at 60 so that she could pursue her dream of writing a book!!!

So if you have been waiting for permission to do the thing that’s on your heart, CONSIDER THIS YOUR PERMISSION.

You’re not too old, and it’s not too late.

YOU’RE RIGHT ON TIME.

Love from Abbey xxx

The post You’re not too old. It’s not too late. first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post You’re not too old. It’s not too late. appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

Most of them kept me distracted and out of pocket.

They didn’t really add to my growth, but allowed me to feel like I was moving forwards (albeit superficially).

I was investing just enough on digital programmes to pretend to myself I wanted change.

But not enough to keep myself from making any deep transformation.

Why?

Because deep down I was SCARED.

❌What if I failed?

❌What if I didn’t see results?

❌What if I “wasted” all that money?

My relationship with choosing what to invest in changed when I found my first coach.

I had been searching for a good 6 months.

A few people had offered but there was no one who made me feel that instinctive YES in my heart.

Eventually I came across the man I knew could help me.

He was into the same things as me – plant medicine, music and Peru…

Still, I was a little skeptical.

Why would coaching be any different from my pre-recorded online courses?

And the price did scare me a little.

But something deep down told me to TRUST.

Because:

➡️ this was EXACTLY the thing I had been looking for.

➡️ I would be supported by someone living the LIFESTYLE I WANTED

➡️ It was facilitated by someone who was spiritual, into ceremonies AND able to create financial abundance (…a rare thing!)

I knew this was an opportunity I couldn’t afford to miss.

And thank goddess I didn’t miss it.

MY RESULTS

Because after signing up, I earned back my investment after just 6 weeks by landing my first client.

In that moment, I saw the transformational power of Coaching.

I experienced for myself the power of having someone who has BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT supporting you.

I came face to face with the direct result of taking aligned action towards your dreams.

And as a result, my mindset on “buying” and “receiving support” radically shifted.

Before, I thought I was being sensible by not investing too much in my growth.

Now I understand that being “sensible” was just a protection mechanism.

“Sensible” was designed to keep me small.

“Sensible” was preventing me from making any real change.

In reality, investing in my growth was THE most sensible thing of all.

Because it brought about rapid fire results.

Could I have done it myself?

Yes, but it probably would have taken me 10 years.

Was there a benefit to working with somebody more experienced, who had already walked that path?

Totally. By absorbing everything they had learnt (mistakes and all), I was able to collapse that timeline into 3 months.

Suddenly, I was on a roll.

My motivation, fire and zest for life were back.

And I had accountability from someone who was CHEERING ME ON and SUPPORTING me all the way.

Instead of spending money on jewellery, designer handbags or expensive holidays, I committed to INVESTING IN MY GROWTH.

From the outside, nothing changed.

But on the inside, EVERYTHING had changed.

SO TELL ME…WHAT CHANGED?!

That’s how I went from losing my life savings in a project that didn’t work out (read about that here), with no other work lined up, to:

⭐️Moving to the countryside

⭐️Being surrounded by soul family.

⭐️Recording my first album

⭐️Calling in my partner

⭐️Creating a thriving Coaching business

⭐️My business growing enough to support me moving to Peru

⭐️Earning more working for myself than I ever did in Corporate.

⭐️Our retreats filling out by word of mouth alone

⭐️Healing my autoimmune disease

Am I saying my life is perfect?

❌No.

⚫️I still make mistakes.

⚫️There are days I wake up grumpy.

⚫️Sometimes I owe my friends an apology.

Am I saying that miracles have come into my life that have left me happier, healthier and wealthier than before?

✅Absolutely.

I started to see in real time how investing in self brought results.

And not just financial (although financial was also very clear win).

But emotional, mental, spiritual and physical too.

It all started with me saying YES to investing in myself and YES to receiving support.

It all started with me choosing TRUST over FEAR.

After all, trust and fear are both asking you to believe in something you can’t see.

So which are you going to choose?

If you have been longing for support, but you see yourself putting it off, worrying about WHAT IFs or self-sabotaging, then I get you, because I have also been there.

And my invitation to you would be to TRUST yourself by INVESTING in yourself.

On the other side of that decision, there are treasures waiting for you that you can’t even imagine right now.

MESSAGE FROM THE UNIVERSE

If you’ve been thinking about getting support from someone in particular but have been putting off reaching out, GET IN TOUCH WITH THAT PERSON!

In ten years time you will wish you had started NOW.

What have you got to lose?

If you are looking for support on your journey but don’t know where to get started, DM me the word “PURPOSE” and I’ll send you a free workshop.

Not only will you come away with clarity on what it is you want to do, but you’ll also have motivation and certainty on your next steps to take action on your dreams.

If I can do it, you can do it!

I hope you enjoyed this week’s newsletter and I hope to see you soon.

Love from Abbey

xxx

The post Why online courses kept me stuck…(and what I did instead) first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post Why online courses kept me stuck…(and what I did instead) appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

If you have every moved countries…

Or if you are thinking about moving countries…

Or if you want to know what it’s LIKE to move countries…

then this week’s newsletter is for you!

As many of you know, I moved to Peru in August 2024.

For some people the change seemed very abrupt.

For others, they knew I had fallen in love with Peru the first time I stepped foot onto the Motherland back in 2012.

I had known for a long time that Peru was where I wanted to end up.

Despite that, the acclimatisation to actually living here has not always been easy.

Keep reading to find out why.

THE DREADED CURVE OF CHANGE

Having moved to Barcelona 11 years earlier, when I was 25, I thought moving countries again would be a piece of cake.

But as it turned out, the Curve of Change is a cruel mistress.

And I was no exception.

The first month was the typical honeymoon period.

Finally, I was in my favourite place in the whole wide world.

Living with my best friend whom I had fallen in love with.

I couldn´t get enough of the cute little mud houses.

I was completely obsessed with all the coloured textiles decorating the streets.

There were cute alpacas with hats on everywhere!

The sun rose every day at 05:30.

It really was a dream come true.

Until we moved into our first home together.

REALITY STRIKES

Nilton found us a cute little flat on the edge of the sleepy little town where he works as a primary school teacher.

When I saw the picture, I loved it instantly.

Lots of natural light.

Beautiful views of the surrounding mountains.

What was not to like?!

When we arrived, it was already dark.

The owner met us to let us in.

I entered, full of excitement to finally have our own place…

But to my disappointment…

The apartment was FILTHY.

There were urine stains in the toilets.

There was dust everywhere.

There were dirty sheets on the bed.

There were holes in the roof and BARE BULBS.

(who actually chooses to have a bare bulb in their home?!)

I was disappointed.

Knowing how Peru can be…we had specifically asked the landlady to ensure the flat was clean before we moved in.

“Yes of course” she has replied.

“Yes of course” actually meaning “No way Hoozay.”

I have noticed this is a thing in Peru.

People feel very uncomfortable saying no.

So they just say yes to everything.

Even when it’s a lie.

If you want to read more about this yes-means-no epidemic, check out my last article about the experience I had getting my peruvian driving.

My first thought seeing the dirty flat was “I can’t live here”.

I was caught between processing my own emotions and not wanting to offend the landlady.

Luckily for me, Nilton is a DOER.

(I don’t call him my Andean Alpaca for nothing!)

He organised us to go and get clean sheets and towels.

We couldn’t do anything about the filth and dust though.

The next morning was very uncomforatble.

Waking up in a new place, which doesn´t feel like home, and not being able to unpack anything yet because the place was filthy…

Despite the discomfort, deep down I knew everything was going to be OK.

I knew that short term discomfort was worth the long-term pleasure of living in a land that was once only a distant dream.

So I sucked it up (as best I could, permitting myself a fair amount of huffing and puffing throughout the day).

Over the next few weeks I started to get things in order.

This meant buying key things for the flat and finding a routine to support us as we established a new life together in Peru.

As the weeks turned into months, I started to feel at home in our flat.

I sourced cosy lighting, lovely warm carpets…and I was enjoying walking in the mountains every morning.

We even looked around other houses with a view to moving…but none of them lived up to the space and homeliness we felt in our little flat.

I have learnt that the curve of change is a real thing, and I am no exception from that rule.

Stage 1 – honeymoon period

Stage 2 – frustration and doubt

Stage 3 – acceptance

Stage 4 – clarity and belonging

NO ONE KNOWS YOU

One of the hardest things for me about moving to a new country has been starting from 0.

Expecially in terms of community.

Luckily for me, I already knew people here from my regular travels over the years to The Sacred Valley.

But I’m not going to lie.

It’s tough when not many people know who you are.

In Barcelona, I am part of a large community.

I am fortunate enough to be invited to play at many events.

My presence is actively DESIRED.

Suddenly, to be in a new place, where communities are already firmly established… does take some getting used to.

In Europe my voice is welcomed and celebrated.

In Peru, people walk out when I sing because it’s not “indigenous” enough.

And this is certainly …a streamline of operations.

And to be honest, a welcome one.

Because it shows me where I wanted to invest my time, love and energy.

As is the way of alignment, when one door closes, another door opens.

And when I got clear where I want to invest my energy, a whole new world opened up!

I was being invited to games nights with cool, fun people from all over the world!

I was welcomed to sing at other people’s kirtans.

And I made a really gorgeous English friend who I love dearly and we just fucking vibe together! She does really cool work supporting people to stop drinking. You can check her out here.

CONCLUSION

Moving to a new country is not easy.

And it’s not supposed to be.

Otherwise everyone would do it.

To build anything, you need to pass through the ups and downs, remembering your WHY and trusting in the calling of your heart.

I’ve learnt that living in alignment doesn´t always feel easy…but it definitely feels right!

I hope you enjoyed this week’s newsletter!

I am very happy to share that I am coming back to Europe for 2 months next week! I’ll be back from 2nd July – 4th September.2025

If you would like to join an event, ceremony or retreat while I’m back in Barcelona, then message me to find out what’s going on.

I hope to see you soon!

Love from Abbey xxx

The post The hardest thing about moving to a new country first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post The hardest thing about moving to a new country appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

It’s been a while since I’ve shared a newsletter.

That’s why I thought I’d hop on to share a little about what’s been going on for me in the last 10 months since I moved to Peru.

If you haven’t heard why I chose to leave behind my happy life of 11 years in Barcelona, you can check out that article here.

And in the meantime, I’ve been very busy getting settled in this brand new country. This has involved getting my driving licence and residency, amongst other fun and frolicks.

I wanted to share some of these adventures with you.

So get comfortable, because for the next 4, minutes I’m going to explain the VERY REAL trials and tribulations of obtaining a driving license in Peru.

RULES OF THE ROAD

I am not new to the international driving license scene.

Having passed my test in the UK in 2006, I transferred to a Spanish driving license when I moved to Barcelona in 2013.

11 years later I was starting all over again in a new country.

But this time what I experienced BAFFLED ME.

When my partner Nilton took me to the driving school, I was given homework of learning 200 rules for the road.

Learning the rules was easy enough.

What was a shock was the fact that many of the rules actually made NO SENSE!

For example, this rule about using your full beams at night:

“at night-time, it is obligatory to use your full beams AT ALL TIMES, turning them down just before passing an oncoming car”

JUST BEFORE PASSING AN ONCOMING CAR?!?!? WHAT ABOUT THE LEADUP TO PASSING THE OTHER CAR WHERE YOU ARE BLINDING THEM AND THEY CAN´T SEE A THING?!?!

If we compare this to the same version of the rule in the UK…the stark contrast becomes apparent:

“You should only use full beam headlights on unlit stretches of road at night. When meeting oncoming traffic, or following another vehicle, you must turn off full beam headlights as they can often be dazzling and may cause accidents.”

The result? In Peru peple drive behind you at night with their full beams on max, completely blinding you from all your rear view mirrors.

Not only that, but many casually forget to turn down their full beams as they pass you. This means that for sensitive eyes like mine, for a few seconds your sight is obliterated and you have to shield your eyes with your hands.

I actually find it PHYSICALLY PAINFUL to drive at night time IN Peru because of the unnecessary amount of light on the road.

I have even considered wearing sunglasses to drive around at night…

Luckily, my ascendant is in Aries…and I have learnt that if I flash (many times repeatedly) the unwitting cars who choose to blind me, 80% get it and turn their main beams down…

…. but for the remaining 20% who choose not to obey, they get a nice dose of my main beams in return, delivered straight into their eyeballs.

There’s nothing like a bit of “eye for an eye” to give them a taste of their own medicine.

MWA HA HA.

Anyway, I digress.

Coming back to the driving test.

When I was speaking with the lady who would help me get my driving licence, something stuck out from the first moment.

I don’t know if it was a red flag or a green flag.

But it was a flag.

And I felt at the same time grateful and horrified that this was an option.

I considered myself a good little European girl who had always done things by the book (…well…that was until I discovered plant medicine in 2020, and then went full against the system, refusing to get the COVID vaccine and faking my own medical certificates)…

…but apart from that I had already done things “right”.

So when she suggested I pay a bribe of 100USD to GUARANTEE that I would pass my test, I shocked myself with my reaction.

“I’ll definitely be taking that option, thank you very much”.

Since I applied to take my test the month after I arrived, I still hadn’t received my Peruvian residency (a tale for a different moment!)

Assuming this might be an issue, we were very clear to double check that it WOULD be possible to get my driving license using my British Passport.

“Yesssssss, no problemmmmm”, the lady assured us confidently.

I have since learnt that the words “yes” and “no problem” actually mean “NO” and “HUGE PROBLEM” in Peru.

I handed over my money and went to do my psycho-somatic test.

This involved answering some multi-choice questions to determine how much alcohol I drank on a weekly basis and finishing the test in 45 minutes but not being allowed to leave until the designated 3 hours had passed.

Oh, and being come onto by the doctor.

But I passed! 🙂

After 3 hours I joyfully went back to the driving office, test papers in hand. We went to the ministery of traffic around the corner to hand in the documents.

When I gave my papers to the lady in the office, she looked at me quizically.

“Why are you handing me these? You can’t make this application with a foreign passport.”

There are no words.

To say that I felt a bit “put out” would have been an understatement.

Back to the driving office we went.

The lady was quick to tell us we couldn’t get our money back but she’d give us discount once I’d got my residency.

How kind.

Welcome to Peru!

This is one example of the many adventures I have had since moving to Peru.

Despite nothing working as I expect, I love living here.

Some things can be very frustrating and take a million hours longer than they would in Europe.

Yet I am happy here and have the certainty that this is where I want to be.

I’ve learnt that living in alignment doesn’t always feel easy…but it definitely feels right!

NEWS

Having said that, I am VERY exciting to be returning to Europe on 1st July for two whole months.

Nilton will be joining from the end of July.

I will see my family, catch up with friends, and we will also be hosting some ceremonies in Barcelona in August. If you fancy joining, we have some spots left from 5th – 8th August so get in touch.

I’ll also be hosting a SUPER MEGA HEART SINGING CIRCLE with my dear sister Imogen on 4th July in Shanti Vida. If you fancy joining get in touch!

I hope to see you all in person soon!

I hope you enjoyed this week’s newsletter.

Love from Abbey xxx

The post The trials and tribulations of driving in Peru first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post The trials and tribulations of driving in Peru appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

Although at the time it was hard, ultimately was the best thing that ever happened to me.

For those of you who know me, you will know about my centre, Anahata.

It started as a beautiful dream.

But since it was never MY dream, it was doomed to fail.

We went about it the wrong way round. Instead of having a steady client base first, we decided to create the centre and hope the clients would come.

They did, but not in the amounts we needed to break even or generate profit.

In April 2022, three months after we opened, we were already haemorraging money.

That was hard to sustain, seeing as through I was the sole investor.

I felt like all my energy was being sucked out of my solar plexus.

I felt like no one else understood.

And they didn’t, because it wasn’t their money.

I felt a huge pressure to make it work.

❌To make it work despite the fact I wasn’t enjoying it.

❌To make it work despite the fact that running a centre didn’t light me up.

This pressure made me stay 1.5 years longer than I should have done.

Underneath the pressure, there was fear.

Fear of giving up.

Fear of quitting.

What would people think of me?

What would I tell people?

How could I face losing all the investment?

What else would I do?

How could I tell my family I had failed?

And so I held it all together.

Although I wasn’t holding it all together at all, as I was displaying clear signs of burnt out.

❌I was severely exhausted.

❌I felt overwhelmed at the backlog of messages from friends, family and clients that I didn’t have time to respond to.

❌I wasn’t being the happy, friendly person I wanted to be with my clients.

❌I resented my friends who had free time and fun weekends

❌I came home emotionally drained, with no capacity to do anything other than sleep.

❌I had no time or space for my creativity.

❌I started to question what was the point of living.

Opening up the possibility

When friends suggested the possibility of closing Anahata, I was shocked and offended.

“How can they be saying this to me?! They don’t have my best interests at heart. They don’t care about my money.”

What I now understand is that it was ME that didn’t have my best interests at heart.

❗️I thought that staying in a job that was making me sick was more important than my happiness.

❗️I thought that money was more important than my wellbeing.

❗️I thought that staying in a situation that made me question the point of living was more important than my mental health.

It was my dad that eventually made me see sense.

I had felt that Anahata was an energy leak (both physically and financially) for a while.

But my ego and stubbornness not to “quit” or “be a failure” forced me to keep going.

When my dad eventually suggested I decide upon a date to put a line in the sand and call it quits, I was able to let go.

Having someone I loved reflect back to me what I was feeling but was unable to see was the permission I needed.

What I learnt

This season of my life taught me more than either of my business Masters ever had.

My Masters had taught me how to succeed.

But what they HADN’T taught me was how to fail.

And it was failure – the very thing I was running from – that turned out to be my biggest asset.

I learnt that failure was not my enemy but rather the catalyst for MONUMENTAL GROWTH.

Failure taught me everything I know – in particular, about my focus, objectives and values.

By failing, there was nothing left to run from.

There was nothing left to lose.

By failing, I found myself in the exact position I had been dreading, and realised it wasn’t actually that bad.

In fact, it was kind of pleasant.

It was pleasant because FINALLY I was able to let go of everything I had been resisting:

⭐pretending I was OK

⭐️trying to prove I was a success

⭐️putting finance over my health and wellbeing

⭐️not asking for help

⭐️holding on to something out of fear

That’s how I learnt that what hurt was not failure.

It was the FEAR of failure.

Failing taught me to let go of what I didn’t want.

And instead taught me the importance of going after what I DID want.

And what was that?

-Peace

-Fulfillment

-Connection

-Creativity

-Time and Space

-Friends and family

-Nature

-Happiness

When I got clear on my values, I started to understand why Anahata hadn’t worked out.

And that clarity enabled me to start investing time and focus into the things that DID give me energy.

✅I started growing my singing circles

✅I recorded my first album

✅I moved to the countryside

✅I invested in my first business Coaching container

I had got over the misguided desire to focus on money and simply focused on what lit me up.

And as is always the way when you are aligned with your heart’s purpose…

…I started to make money doing what I loved!

More money than I had made in Anahata.

More money than I had made in Corporate.

And I realised that I had to lose that 200,000 euros in Anahata doing something I wasn’t good at and something I didn’t love…

…to value the thing I DO love

…to choose my CALLING over CAPITAL

…to know what’s important to me and where I want to invest my energy

So what’s next?

Now I am freed from the fear of failure, I know I can’t go wrong.

I know that there is no failure.

Only lessons and growth.

And I also know that if something is right for you, it will give you energy, not take it away.

That’s why I now support women looking to transition from their soul-destroying 9-5 and find out what they actually want to do.

That has been my own journey.

And it’s my greatest joy to have turned my pain into power and to support other women to do the same.

I hope this week’s newsletter has inspired you.

If you are looking to find your purpose, but not sure where to get started, then I am holding an intimate online workshop this Thursday 1st May.

I will be sharing the signature process I teach my clients to help them find their purpose, as well as the blocks that can stop you from getting in touch with your purpose.

If you fancy joining, it’s only €7, and you can sign up using the link below.

Love from Abbey xxx

The post What losing 200,000€ taught me about purpose. first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post What losing 200,000€ taught me about purpose. appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

After 11 years of living in Barcelona, I decided to follow my heart and move to the place I love most in the world.

And what a bloody move it’s been!

Inititally I came for 3 weeks to test out the waters.

(If you haven´t read the backstory about why I was leaving my vibrant life in Barcelona behind, check out my last newsletter here)

Although I came for love, I am staying for much more than that.

I know deep down that this is where I am meant to be.

And even so…there are MANY things that don’t work out here.

For me.

From my life perspective.

M-A-N-Y!

I have gone from having life under control in Europe, to being thrown in at the deep end into customs and traditions that are not my own.

I have gone from having my day-to-day run like a well-oiled machine, to being out of oil and needing to take a quick crash course in Mechanics!

But that’s all part of the journey, right?

In this newsletter I’m going to give you some concrete examples of situations I´ve experienced that don’t make sense to my European mind.

I will also share 3 lessons I’ve learnt that I hope will support you if you ever decide to move to Peru.

MOVING INTO OUR NEW FLAT

My partner, Nilton, and I have been living in our flat together for 4 weeks.

Naturally, when we moved into our flat together, we were excited.

The flat is in Lamay, nestled into the foot of the mountains, surrounded by trees and tranquility.

Stepping out of the flat it like going back in time 300 years – hardly any one in the streets, higgeldy piggeldy mud houses & unpaved streets.

In particular I was delighted to move into a flat that was one tenth of the price I pay for my house in Barcelona.

We agreed with the owner the moving date.

We packed our stuff.

And, being European, I expected everything to go smoothly.

SILLY ME!

Arriving at the flat, I instantly noticed it hadn’t been cleaned.

My excitement dissolved into annoyance and disgust.

The oven was covered in oil splats, the bathroom sinks were caked in toothpaste marks and there were urine stains in the toilets.

But worst of all…THERE WERE DIRTY SHEETS ON THE BED!

It was already evening time and so there was no way we could get a cleaner to come out.

Luckily for us, the owner saw my distress and brought us some fresh sheets.

Still, moving into a dirty flat was one of low lights of my time in Peru so far.

I was really in shock!

I own a flat in Barcelona and rent it out. I would never ever DREAM of renting it to someone without having cleaned it first.

It makes me embarrassed to even think about.

Which is why it was such a shock for me.

Cleanliness is one of my values.

So if a situation arises which goes against that value, I get upset.

But CLEANLINESS is not a value for everyone.

This was an important lesson for me.

#LESSON 1: NEVER ASSUME, ALWAYS DOUBLE CHECK.

NO HOT WATER

Since I arrived in Peru the lack of hot water has been following me around like…a broken boiler.

Now I am an Impacter, and at one point in my life cold showers were my bread and butter.

BUT NOT ANYMORE, YOU HEAR ME?!

Cold showers are cool when I choose them. I get to show people what a warrior I am.

But when cold water is forced upon me, it’s a different story.

I move from Warrior mode to grumpy little princess.

Now I´ve been visitng Peru regularly since 2021. And in that time I only remember having a handful of hot showers.

Which is why, when I moved into my first house in Rinconada, there was only tepid water, I didn’t say anything. I just got on with it.

Until the water went from tepid to cold.

And I needed to wash my hair.

When I messaged the landlady, she was very quick to explain how she had never had problems with the hot water in that house. She went on to justify how they had just changed the gas bottle.

You can imagine my delight at the insinuation that I must be mistaken about the water not being hot.

At this point I pulled out the big guns.

I called upon my European assertiveness and invited her to come and test it for herself.

It was fixed the next day.

Great! Cold water solved.

Or so I thought…

Was the universe really going to let me get away that easily?…

Of course not.

When we arrived at our new flat, the water was cold.

When we enquired, we found out that the water was heated by solar panels.

Not ideal, especially when the rainy season is nearly upon us.

Solar panels meant there was only hot water between 1000 and 1400 – which doesn´t work for us early risers.

At this point I didnt need to get all European because my partner stepped in and insisted that we get a heating system that works.

And the result? We got a brand new electric shower.

#LESSON 2: BE ASSERTIVE & ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT

RENTING A CAR

I knew very early on that I would need a car.

The public transport system in the Valley is…interesting to say the least.

The “collectivos” (minibuses) are very regular during the day time. But they stop around 20:30 at night.

I have been stranded in Pisac because of this on more than one occasion.

Now don’t get me wrong. I think it’s great that there is regular public transport here. It means people can get around, see their families & go to work.

But there are things I see & experience which make me uncomfortable.

My main concerns with Peruvian public transport are based on the disregard of common rules we have grown up with in Europe

❌Many drivers are on their phones as they drive

❌They drive much faster than the speed limit.

❌There is often standing room only

AND…

❌They will suddenly slow right down to go over a hump in the road.

Which is OK if you have a seat…

…but if you are not lucky enough to get a seat, then you may suddenly be thrown from one side of the bus to the other.

It’s not ideal.

You want to know what else isn’t ideal?

The cost of car rental in the Valley!

In Barcelona I am renting my car out while I’m away for 150€/month.

Here, the minimum price you can find is 600USD/month.

And that’s after negotiating a few days down from 1100USD/month.

You can imagine why I was reticent to hire a car.

I wanted to buy one, but as I don’t yet have my residency or Peruvian driving license, I didn’t want to risk it.

But when the trauma of taking public transport outweighs the trauma of expensive car hire, you get clear on your priorities.

I was all ready to pay the 600USD/month.

We agreed the price.

We arranged when and where to meet.

And then my partner’s friend offered to rent me his car for 375USD/month.

I jumped at the chance and quickly thanked the other guy but told him I wouldn’t be needing his car.

He wasn’t very happy.

So that bridge was burnt.

But, as I told him, I would be mad not to accept the cheaper offer.

Or that’s what I thought.

Until I actually rented the car, that was.

There were a string of events that left me questioning the meaning of the word integrity.

The day we agreed to pick up the car, we had to travel to Urubamba which is around 45 minutes by public transport.

As we were en route to Urubamba we rang Nilton’s friend to confirm the meeting place…and there was no answer.

Nor was there any answer over the next few hours… or any time during the next 2 days.

He just went dead on us.

And this was a supposed friend!

My initial thought was to go back to the original guy offering his car for 600USD.

And then I remembered that option no longer existed.

That bridge had been burnt.

So I resigned myself to having no car.

And as is the way with the universe when you let things go, Nilton’s friend reached out on Monday as if nothing had happened.

And wanted us to go and pick up the car.

If that scenario had played out in Europe, I would have been like “no way hozay”.

But when you are a long way from home, and options are scarce, you take what you can get.

Yuujuu!

Finally I had a car.

So the drama ended there, right?

Of course not.

That was only the beginning.

The next morning I went to the gym, happy as Larry with my new rental car.

I had a great workout, got back in my car to drive home, put the key in the ignition and….the engine wouldn’t start.

I rang the guy to ask if this was a regular occurrence.

He replied “yes, you just need to open the bonnet and move the terminal so it connects.”….as if it was completely normal part of starting the car.

Luckily some kind man at the gym helped me.

And more importantly, the owner of the car came to change the terminal that day.

Fortunately since then the engine has worked fine.

But as we would learn the next day- the engine was the least of our problems!

A bigger issue would be actually getting in the car.

For the last 3 days, the car key doesn’t work.

It enters the keyhole, and turns…but… the door doesn’t open.

You can imagine my frustration just yesterday when I was all ready to go to the gym at 8am.

I’d had my protein powder, I was feeling fired up for a work out, I get to my car and….the door won’t open.

Needless to say, I didn’t get to the gym yesterday.

(But I did have a lot of time to start writing this newsletter!).

For now, we have resorted to not locking the car in case I can’t get back in.

It seems to be the best solution for now.

And lucky we live in very quiet village with hardly anyone around.

And hopefully the desire for it not to be stolen is inspiration for the owner to get a key that works to us, right?

#LESSON 3: WHEN OPTIONS ARE SCARCE, TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET

SO…WHY AM I STAYING?

Despite all of these exciting events happening over the last few weeks, I am not disheartened.

I know what it’s like to build a life again from scratch.

That’s what I did when I moved to Barcelona from the UK in 2013.

You can read about that here.

It was harder back then.

When you don’t know yourself and where you’re headed, it’s easy to be blown around in the wind. It´s easy to accept situations that dont make you happy.

But this time it’s easier.

I have moved to Peru with my own ecosystem of Coaching & Singing Circles that I have been building over the last 4 years.

With the ecosystem integrated within me, it’s been easy to replicate it here.

The best way I can describe it is this:

I feel I have been picked up by the grab-a-teddy machine and dropped into another place where everything still works.

It’s just different a landscape and different people.

But my morning gym sessions, biweekly Singing Circles, Coaching, & Ceremonies are all the same.

There’s even a recording studio where I can record my next songs!

But I can’t deny that there’s an added something special in my life.

I’m in love ❤️

I’m with someone who treats me like a Queen.

Now I understand why God didn’t allow me to settle.

And that’s beautiful.

CONCLUSION

And this brings us to the end of this week’s newsletter.

Even though there are many things that don´t work, I am happy here.

Waking up and seeing the mountains gives me such a sense of inner peace.

Living in a place without distractions enables me to focus on building my business.

And even so, people recognise me here. Every week someone comes up to me saying “you’re the girl that makes those funny videos”.

For me that´s a sign that I’m in the right place!

But the biggest sign is that I feel happy, joyful and at peace.

I hope you enjoyed reading this week’s newsletter.

Love from Abbey xxx

p.s. – listen to my latest release YOUR VOICE here, available now on Spotify & all other major platforms

The post Why I’m staying in Peru – for good! first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post Why I’m staying in Peru – for good! appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

So why would I leave it all?

The answer is LOVE.

But, for logic’s sake, let’s start at the beginning.

THE BEGINNING

For those who have known me for…any amount of time…you will know that I have a long-standing love affair with Peru.

I first set feet in the Motherland when I was 23 years old.

My boyfriend at the time didn’t want to join me.

But that wasn´t going to stop me!

I went alone, and it changed the course of my life.

I look back on the first time I climbed Macchu Piccu as a spiritual experience.

I didn’t even consider myself spiritual at the time.

But there was something magical about waking up at 3 in the morning and leaving the small town of Aguas Calientes on foot to climb the Inca-sized steps leading up the mountain.

When I returned back to England, I was a changed woman.

✅I broke up with my partner.

✅I decided to leave England.

✅I interviewed for a job in Barcelona and was successful.

That was 11 years ago. The rest is history.

SPAIN

I moved to Barcelona in summer 2013.

The first year I was mesmorised by the city.

It was like Never Ever Land.

But very soon after, my health, relationships and career started failing. Read about that *HERE*

That is what led me to the healing path.

It started down the typical route

⭐️psychotherapy

⭐️diagnosis of food intolerances

⭐️diagnosis of autoimmune disease

And that’s when I started looking for real answers.

**Enter Ayahuasca**

MY AYAHUASCA EXPERIENCE

When I sat in my first ceremony in January 2020 it all started to make sense.

The plant came from Peru. It was literally Pacha Mama speaking directly with me.

I understood why I had had such a connection with Peru back in 2012.

I understood my life had been altered by that first visit to Peru.

It had altered the course of my life and put me on the right path so that I could heal.

AND I HEALED SO MUCH!

In the next year I would go on to leave my soul-destroying 9-5, learn the guitar and start writing music.

And in that first, life-altering weekend I met Nilton.

He had come to play music in ceremony.

He served me my first rapé.

We had a special connection from the beginning.

But it was purely platonic.

We became friends.

The next year, when I hopped on a plane and returned to Peru, I hung out with him as well as my other friends in the Sacred Valley.

He showed me some cool spots and I felt very comfortable with him.

Whenever he was in Spain we would hang out, and the same when I was in Peru.

He is a very good musician and I have always loved learning from him. He taught me a lot of the songs we share together in circle.

I remember the thought crossing through my mind when I was last in Peru in summer 2022 “I could never be with Nilton because of XYZ”.

My mind came up with a million reasons why we could never be together.

Because:

❌ he was shorter than me

❌ he was older than me

❌ he lived in Peru

❌ he had kids

I thought what my mind was telling me was THE TRUTH. I didn’t realise that it was showing me all the blockages my mind had to work so I could receive love. So I could open up to the idea of being with someone who ACTUALLY RESPECTS ME.

It’s hard though when we’ve been sold the disney idea of what our prince would look like. What my MIND thought I wanted was something along the lines of:

✅tall

✅European

✅bilingual

But where did that land me?

Toxic relationship after toxic relationship.

That’s what happens when you look with your eyes, not with your heart.

When I got back from Peru in 2022 I missed Nilton so much. But I was busy with my centre Anahata and so I settled back into Barcelona life.

However, upon my return to Europe I did put on my visionboard “put the financial structure in place to move to Peru by 2024”.

I tried to fish out a picture for this newsletter but after an hour scrolling through my phone, I gave up. You’ll have to make do with the mental image.

Once day Nilton sent me a message telling me that he had developed feelings for me while I was in Peru… but I didn’t feel the same.

I shared that with him and he understood and never mentioned it again.

It didn’t affect our friendship. We continued senidng each other messages, voice messages and videos of each other playing music.

It’s not that I forgot about Peru. But I had other pressing matters to attend to, like Anahata.

My friend Benjo told me that one day everything would align for me to go there.

I prayed it would be so. But didn’t really believe it.

I was also starting to worry that I would never meet anyone.

And besides, I had VERY particular needs.

Where on EARTH would I meet someone who:

⭐️was mature & had a trajectory of inner work under his belt?

⭐️might be prepared to move to The Sacred Valley one day

⭐️played music?

⭐️enjoyed a good Ayahuasca ceremony like I did

⭐️was grounded with a stable job

⭐️was respected in his community

⭐️didn’t need anything from me

⭐️had integrity, kindness, presence & devotion

It seemed the odds were stacked against me.

I remember a friend once suggested maybe I already knew who I was going to fall in love with.

I literally went through all my guy friends one by one.

I was like, “nope, nope, nope, DEFINITELY nope…”

But in February this year 2 things happened which opened up a door on my path and put me in touch with my deepest desires.

THE POWER OF SHARING

In February I was playing some music at my beloved Makwee Women’s Retreat.

In the intention setting, I took a risk and decided to leave behind the shield of protection I often wear as a facilitator. I chose to share how I was feeling, warts and all.

I stood up and expressed my frustation that I hadn’t met partner yet. I remember feeling embarrassed to share that I was feeling this way…but I had to be honest. I said out loud “I’m doing all the work on myself so… “where the fuck is he?!”

Having the courage to express that was very rewarding because sisters kept coming up to me all weekend saying “he´s on his way. You´re going to meet him very soon.”

And I started to believe it.

The same month, I had a transcendental experience in the forest that changed everything

RELEASE

In February I was feeling very pre-menstrual.

I was stressed, angry and frustrated.

I felt called to wonder into the forest near my house.

By now I knew better than to ignore my instinct.

I took a left turn and turned onto a path I’d never set foot on.

After a few winding minutes it opened up to a beautiful green valley.

I sat there in the stillness and contemplated my life.

I felt Mother Nature holding me with her all-embracing love.

I was humbled by her presence and all-knowingness.

And there in the forest, I burst into tears and cried and cried and cried.

And the clarity and the peace that came through in that moment were that not only did I want to find my partner . But I also wanted to have a baby.

Up until that moment I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mum.

But the clarity came through loud and strong.

On my way home the song Release came through, word for word.

You can listen to it *here*

It will be released on Spotify in the next months.

THE MAGIC OF MANIFESTATION

Life continued. I got on with my day to day.

I didn’t think anything else of it.

And the next month, Nilton came over from Peru.

My friend Desi who knows us both said to be before he arrived “babe, wouldn’t it be amazing if you and Nilton got together”.

I feel bad but I literally shuddered and said “no way.”

He was my friend – it was weird for me to think of him in any other way.

Even so, it was always so easy with him. He was respectful, kind, curious and never tried anything with me. That’s why I felt so safe with him.

And the conversation with him just FLOWED. We could talk about everything and anything.

We went to Ibiza with some dear friends for a magical ceremony by Es vedrá, our other friend Jamie flew in from Peru and we travelled around Catalunya.

And the whole time I felt myself wanting to be closer…

and closer…

…and closer

to Nilton.

His presence…his integrity…his curiosity in me…his HUMILITY!

I started noticing what beautiful long eyelashes he had.

I loved the sound of his voice.

I couldn’t wait for everyone to leave so it would just me him driving along, talking, laughing, reminiscing.

And I felt a deep sadness that he would be leaving soon and I wouldn´t see him for a long time.

I started imagining what it would be like to kiss him.

And on his final night, I felt my heart open fully to him.

BUT…

there was an obstacle.

My shyness.

How does one say “I have developed feelings for you and I need to tell you?”

Well apparently, just like that.

But my shyness got the better of me and I waited until he was in Madrid boarding his flight back to Peru to tell him.

His response was so beautiful.

“You have made me the happiest man alive. You know that I have had feelings for you for a long time.”

Since then we´ve been speaking every day, two, three times a day.

And things are going well.

I don’t feel the fiery sparks of youthful passion. My experience with those is that they burn out pretty quickly.

What I do feel a strong, stable inner fire that burns consistently.

And that makes me feel very FULL inside.

Which means that now we can pivot back to the title of this story.

TODAY, SATURDAY 10TH AUGUST, I AM MOVING TO PERU FOR 3 MONTHS.

Originally I had booked my flights for 3 weeks. But when I realised that this love story could actually have a future, I took the reigns of my life and decided to FIND OUT FOR REAL.

And everything has aligned, just as Benjo said it would:

🦙I will work from Peru.

🦙Pakandé is going to lead our Singing Circles while I´m away

🦙I´ve rented out my room to a dear friend

🦙I´ve even rented out my car

❤️I am going to a place that I have loved for 12 years.

❤️I have beautiful friends out there who I´m looking forward to spending more time with.

❤️My dear Nilton is out there waiting for me.

And I’m leaving on a high.

I heard once it’s better to run towards something than to run away from something.

And that´s exaclty how I feel.

Had I moved years ago I would definitely have been running away from my failing centre Anahata. I needed to build myself up again in order to be riding the wave of life.

And now that I am, I will only accept situations & relationships which are good, if not BETTER than what I currently have.

(which is pretty damn great and I feel very lucky).

And let’s be VERY realistic about this.

I don’t know if it´s going ot work out.

I am excited and nervous and happy and scared all rolled into one.

But I have a chance at love. In a place that I love. Surrounded by people that I love.

It’s true it may not work out.

We never know what life has in store for us.

But as my dad says, you have to task a risk in order to find out.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of my newsletter.

Stay tuned to hear how I get on in Peru!

Love from Abbey

ps – Listen to my new song Embrace Your Shadow here.

The post Why I’m leaving my happy life in Barcelona to move to Peru for 3 months first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post Why I’m leaving my happy life in Barcelona to move to Peru for 3 months appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

I feel grateful that it came before marriage and kids.

But it was tough.

Everything around me crumbled within a year.

❌My relationship

❌My health

❌My job

❌My finances

I was hemorraging money from my failed centre, Anahata. I felt the energy being sucked out of my solar plexus.

I felt like I was dying.

I was recovering from Narcissistic abuse and had started to doubt my own version of reality.

On top of that, I had a herniated disk and couldn’t walk straight because of the pain.

Some days I couldn’t even bend down to put my socks on.

Feelings of blame certainly did come up becuase I’m human. But I knew that I needed to look underneath the hot sticky lava of blame & resentment to feel better again.

And that’s where the shadow work began.

WHAT IS THE SHADOW?

The shadow is the person you would rather not be.

It’s the part you dislike about other people that you actually have locked away in yourself, refusing to admit it.

It’s what breaks up families.

It what causes wars.

The shadow is the part of us that we reject in ourselves and in others because we judge it to be “bad”.

MY SHADOW

One of my shadow sides is playing the role of good girl.

Good-girl-itis is a common disease among women my age. It is a manipulation of the emotions of other people so that they like us. We need others to like us so we feel better about ourselves.

This has manifested in my life as not:

❌expressing my anger (I didn’t want to rock the boat)

❌expressing my sadness (I didn’t want to bore people)

❌speaking up when people treat me badly (I didnt want to judge)

But here’s the thing.

By denying my anger, I withheld my love.

By denying my sadness, I withheld my happiness.

By not speaking up, I withheld my freedom.

This is because when we suppress any “negative” feeling or part of ourselves, we also suppress its opposite.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I DENIED THESE PARTS OF MYSELF?

I was living in the shadows, not allowing my full light to be seen.

After all, how can your light be seen when you are blaming, resentful and burnt out?!

As they say, ‘What you can’t be with, won’t let you be’. 

If you ever came into Anahata in 2022 you would have seen the effect of this on me.

🌱I wasn’t the best version of myself.

🌱I was rude, distant and stressed.

🌱 I was very rigid & serious

I’m sorry if that affected you.

HOW DID I HEAL THIS SHADOW SIDE?

Things started to get better when I:

✅ started giving myself permission to feel emotions.

✅ started giving myself permission to put boundaries.

✅ realised I would rather be whole than good.

I also started channeling my pain into music.

As an artist, when a song starts coming through, I know it’s important.

I leave everything to give space for that song to be birthed.

This is how Embrace Your Shadow was written – during the difficult process of integrating my shadow.

I don’t remember how the words came through, but within a week of starting it was finished.

I felt the lyrics coming from another world, from my higher self, assuring me that I would get through it:

“embrace your shadow even though you are afraid,

the brightest sunrise follows the darkest night”

I was reminding myself to have faith that everything would be alright.

HOW DID I INTEGRATE MY SHADOW?

As I started to heal, no longer did I have to repress or get rid of the parts of myself that I disliked.

Instead, I began to find the POSITIVE ASPECTS of this shadow side and integrate them into my life.

I changed my relationship with anger.

Instead of judging it as bad, I realised it served a sacred purpose.

Anger is a fuel. When we feel it, we want to do something. Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a MAP. It shows us our boundaries and where we want to go. Anger points the way, not the finger. Anger is our friend. Not a gentle friend, but a very loyal friend. It will always tell us when its time to act in our own best interests.

I gave myself full permission to FEEL my anger.

This took time and effort.

✨I did pillow scream therapy.

✨I bought a foam noodle to smash my anger out on the bed.

✨I received somatic coaching

✨I did boxing and imagined smashing my narcissstic ex partner’s face in.

I got in touch with my anger and I gave myself FULL PERMISSION to feel it.

Then, I used it as a catalyst to take action in my life and to EXPRESS.

At first it came out quite aggressive.

Which is a good sign.

It means it’s working.

Eventually, as my anger started to integrate inside of me, I was able to express my anger in a gentler way using the language of non-violent communication…

“I feel frustrated when I see XYZ”.

I started to see how I could express my anger super sweetly.

But first I had to allow myself to feel it and take responsibility for it.

When I realised that anger is not violence, everything changes.

Anger is a natural human emotion. Violence is the uncontrolled, harmful expression of a natural emotion.

It’s easy to confuse the two things, especially if we were brought up in households where we were shouted at.

If we grew up not feeling safe because of an adult’s anger, we promise ourselves that we will never be an angry person.

And that’s how our shadow is born – we repress what we think is bad because we were never shown a better way.

In reality, no human emotion is ever bad.

All emotions are designed to be expressed and to create change.

HOW INTEGRATING MY SHADOW HAS HELPED ME.

When I could accept & forgive the part of me that feels angry, I could accept and forgive others.

I used to judge angry people as “bad” people because I hadn’t yet accepted the anger within me.

But now I feel INSPIRED by healthy expressions of anger.

It is an energy that EXPANDS and EMPOWERS.

Being around people who can express their anger gives me PERMISSION to express my anger too.

Getting it out rather than keeping it repressed inside is a blessing. It cured me from a whole host of illnesses that “traditional” medicine is still unaware of.

If you missed my article about how repressing anger gave me autoimmune disease, you can check it out here.

I am constantly learning about safe ways to express.

It adds to my personal power.

Feeling my anger enables me to take action to change the things in my life that I don’t like.

If you want to find out more about anger and expression I recommend reading this book:

HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR SHADOW

Getting in touch with your shadow and converting it into a tool for your toolbox takes time.

If you want it enough, you will find away.

Don’t worry if you are currently unsure what your shadows are.

Here is a simple process can help you get in touch with your “inner oppressor”.

1) Close your eyes and take a moment to think about something you’ve wanted for a long time.  Maybe you’d love to have a fit body, a healthy relationship, or a home on the lake?  See it in your mind’s eye and sense it in your bones.

2) Give it a few minutes. You likely hear a familiar negative inner voice creeping in telling you why you can’t have what you want, or why you don’t deserve it.  It may remind you that you’re not good enough, focused enough or worthy enough.  This is the voice of your shadow self.

3) Now think back to the earliest time you can remember hearing that same negative voice.  Who was there?  What was happening?  How old were you?  Likely you’ll be able to trace it back to a time when you were between the ages of 2-10 years old.  Maybe you wanted a new bike, and you were told your grades weren’t good enough. It’s the little child within you that created the shadow self that needs some love or attention.  It’s that aspect that feels stupid, bad or unworthy and is hiding in your psyche setting the parameters of your life.

4) Sit with them.  Imagine that shadow self as the prodigal son/daughter coming home.  Give ‘them’ the love that they have been yearning for.  What did they/you need at those critical times that they/you didn’t get? Are you willing to give it to yourself?

5) Action:  Write a letter to your 10-year-old self.   Let them know you are there for them, you know what happened, and they’re worthy/lovable exactly as they are.  ‘Dear ten-year-old me, this is what I want you to know….’

CONCLUSION

In integrated anger is only one example of the shadow-side.

It’s been one of my personal shadows.

It’s a side that I have healed in making the unconscious conscious.

I wish to state that in no way am I trying to pretend that I have healed all my shadow sides. I think that is impossible in only one lifetime.

I know I have many more shadows that I dont even know about yet.

After all…YOU DON´T KNOW WHAT YOU DON´T KNOW.

That’s why it´s called a shadow – because you are unconscious of it.

However, what I DO know is this:

When my shadows rear their ugly head, I have all the tools and strength in order to deal with them 💪🏻

And so do you!

When you integrate these parts of you, you will open up to more personal power and possibility than you ever imagined.

I hope you found this article useful.

Love from Abbey xxx

P.S: If you want to listen to the song I talk about in this article, EMBRACE YOUR SHADOW is available on Spotify as of Friday 2nd August 2024.. Click here to listen now.

The post How my midlife crisis helped me integrate my anger. first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post How my midlife crisis helped me integrate my anger. appeared first on Abbey Sykes.