I wanted to speak and have every child in the room listening to me, attent to my every word.

I wanted them to remember me as the best teacher they’d ever had.

And that kind of worked when I was teaching 7 year olds.

I could get away with controlling them by being inauthentic.

But it didn’t wash with the older kids.

I discovered this the hard way when I landed a job at a Prestigious private school in Barcelona in 2013.

Going from teaching 7 year olds to teaching 11 years olds was a whole new ball game.

Tactics of domination and control no longer worked.

The older kids saw straight through my power games.

And the effect?

I couldn’t get the kids to be quiet!

I often came home from school feeling undermined, out of control and weak.

You can read about how my health quickly deteriorated as a result here

I took that to mean that I did not want to lead.

EVER!

LET’S CO-CREATE!

I took a break from teaching and from leadership.

I actually quiet teaching.

And I was quite sure that I never wanted to lead again.

Until I first joined the spiritual scene, and I became aware of a new paradigm of CO-CREATION.

I loved it.

I felt like it was healing all my past trauma with leadership.

I noticed that Spiritual people didn’t talk about leaders and followers.

Instead, they spoke about “co-creation”.

When I heard that word, felt a sense of ease wash over me.

I remember thinking… “you mean – I don’t have to try to prove myself as a leader anymore?”

I STOPPED LEADING & STARTED SHARING

So I relaxed.

And when I started sharing my Singing Circles in Barcelona, it was from that same spirit of relaxation.

I wasn’t trying to prove anything.

I was simply wanting people to experience what I had experienced with Kevin James, my Singing Circle Teacher.

When I stopped trying to lead, and just started to share, owning my own fears and self-judgement as I did so, I felt myself relax and others too.

Whereas before I would use my education to prove to others that I was worthy…now I just came to connect and to create a safe space for others to do the same.

It reminds me of that leadership quote by Margaret Thatcher:

“Being a leader is like

being a lady.

If you have to tell people

you’re one…

You’re probably not.”

As I started leading Singing Circles I discovered the timeless truth in these words.

The LESS I tried to ‘look good’ or ‘prove myself’ the more people would come. The more people would invite me to sing in their circles.

The LESS I thought about credentials or titles—and the more I focused completely on connecting myself with the music—the more ‘my people’ connected with themselves.

Whereas before I failed trying to control with fear and domination, now I was succeeding sharing my authenticity and vulnerability.

THE TRUE TEST OF A LEADER

Leadership is simple.

If you want to know if you’re a leader, turn around and see who’s following.

Leaders have followers. That’s all that counts.

When I stopped TRYING to be a leader and simply allowed myself to BE, one day I turned around and began to see that I had created an incredible community of Circle Singers in Barcelona.

But there is an even more powerful test of leaders.

A true leader creates more leaders, not more followers.

And that change in perspective has given me permission to LEAD.

Because now I know the true meaning of the word LEADERSHIP.

The post Why I don’t want to be a leader first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post Why I don’t want to be a leader appeared first on Abbey Sykes.