I was 25 when I decided to leave the UK and move to Barcelona to build a new life.

I was 27 when I decided to leave my six year teaching career to retrain as an HR specialist.

I was 31 when I decided to leave my career in HR to retrain as a Coach.

I was 33 when I released my first album (which you can listen to here).

I was 35 when I decided to move to Peru to take a chance on love.

Now I’m 37.  And I’ve just had my first baby.

(Which, by the way, makes me a geriatric mother according to the medical system).

But it’s not about age.

It’s the stories we TELL ourselves about our age.

My point is that whatever year you were born, it’s easy to think you’re too old (or too young for that matter).

But that’s just your mind keeping you small.

I remember my first boyfriend having a breakdown at 26 because he wanted to leave Air Traffic Control and he didn’t know what else he could do.

He was literally going crazy thinking that it was too late for him to start all over again.

I’m sure if he looked back now he would recognise that he was but a spring chicken and back then the world was his oyster.

But it’s difficult to see that at the time.

Because we’re do focussed on where we think we SHOULD be.

Which is ludicrous if you think about it.

Because when you look back at your life path, all the pieces of the puzzle slot into place.

You can’t be anywhere but right where you are.

It’s just that you can’t see that looking forwards.

Only in hindsight.

Imagine that you are your 80 year old self right now, looking backwards to your present age.

See that possibility and opportunity lies in store for you?!

You have so many adventures still to come.

But you need to give yourself permission.

SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR YOU?

Maybe right now you are in a career that sucks the soul out of you.

Maybe you are in a relationship that you know deep down isn’t for you.

Maybe you want to go travelling but don’t have anyone to go with.

Maybe you dream of moving to Spain but you don’t know any Spanish.

If not now, than when?!

You’re not getting any younger and time’s not getting any slower.

My mum left her job as a solicitor at 60 so that she could pursue her dream of writing a book!!!

So if you have been waiting for permission to do the thing that’s on your heart, CONSIDER THIS YOUR PERMISSION.

You’re not too old, and it’s not too late.

YOU’RE RIGHT ON TIME.

Love from Abbey xxx

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Most of them kept me distracted and out of pocket.

They didn’t really add to my growth, but allowed me to feel like I was moving forwards (albeit superficially).

I was investing just enough on digital programmes to pretend to myself I wanted change.

But not enough to keep myself from making any deep transformation.

Why?

Because deep down I was SCARED.

❌What if I failed?

❌What if I didn’t see results?

❌What if I “wasted” all that money?

My relationship with choosing what to invest in changed when I found my first coach.

I had been searching for a good 6 months.

A few people had offered but there was no one who made me feel that instinctive YES in my heart.

Eventually I came across the man I knew could help me.

He was into the same things as me – plant medicine, music and Peru…

Still, I was a little skeptical.

Why would coaching be any different from my pre-recorded online courses?

And the price did scare me a little.

But something deep down told me to TRUST.

Because:

➡️ this was EXACTLY the thing I had been looking for.

➡️ I would be supported by someone living the LIFESTYLE I WANTED

➡️ It was facilitated by someone who was spiritual, into ceremonies AND able to create financial abundance (…a rare thing!)

I knew this was an opportunity I couldn’t afford to miss.

And thank goddess I didn’t miss it.

MY RESULTS

Because after signing up, I earned back my investment after just 6 weeks by landing my first client.

In that moment, I saw the transformational power of Coaching.

I experienced for myself the power of having someone who has BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT supporting you.

I came face to face with the direct result of taking aligned action towards your dreams.

And as a result, my mindset on “buying” and “receiving support” radically shifted.

Before, I thought I was being sensible by not investing too much in my growth.

Now I understand that being “sensible” was just a protection mechanism.

“Sensible” was designed to keep me small.

“Sensible” was preventing me from making any real change.

In reality, investing in my growth was THE most sensible thing of all.

Because it brought about rapid fire results.

Could I have done it myself?

Yes, but it probably would have taken me 10 years.

Was there a benefit to working with somebody more experienced, who had already walked that path?

Totally. By absorbing everything they had learnt (mistakes and all), I was able to collapse that timeline into 3 months.

Suddenly, I was on a roll.

My motivation, fire and zest for life were back.

And I had accountability from someone who was CHEERING ME ON and SUPPORTING me all the way.

Instead of spending money on jewellery, designer handbags or expensive holidays, I committed to INVESTING IN MY GROWTH.

From the outside, nothing changed.

But on the inside, EVERYTHING had changed.

SO TELL ME…WHAT CHANGED?!

That’s how I went from losing my life savings in a project that didn’t work out (read about that here), with no other work lined up, to:

⭐️Moving to the countryside

⭐️Being surrounded by soul family.

⭐️Recording my first album

⭐️Calling in my partner

⭐️Creating a thriving Coaching business

⭐️My business growing enough to support me moving to Peru

⭐️Earning more working for myself than I ever did in Corporate.

⭐️Our retreats filling out by word of mouth alone

⭐️Healing my autoimmune disease

Am I saying my life is perfect?

❌No.

⚫️I still make mistakes.

⚫️There are days I wake up grumpy.

⚫️Sometimes I owe my friends an apology.

Am I saying that miracles have come into my life that have left me happier, healthier and wealthier than before?

✅Absolutely.

I started to see in real time how investing in self brought results.

And not just financial (although financial was also very clear win).

But emotional, mental, spiritual and physical too.

It all started with me saying YES to investing in myself and YES to receiving support.

It all started with me choosing TRUST over FEAR.

After all, trust and fear are both asking you to believe in something you can’t see.

So which are you going to choose?

If you have been longing for support, but you see yourself putting it off, worrying about WHAT IFs or self-sabotaging, then I get you, because I have also been there.

And my invitation to you would be to TRUST yourself by INVESTING in yourself.

On the other side of that decision, there are treasures waiting for you that you can’t even imagine right now.

MESSAGE FROM THE UNIVERSE

If you’ve been thinking about getting support from someone in particular but have been putting off reaching out, GET IN TOUCH WITH THAT PERSON!

In ten years time you will wish you had started NOW.

What have you got to lose?

If you are looking for support on your journey but don’t know where to get started, DM me the word “PURPOSE” and I’ll send you a free workshop.

Not only will you come away with clarity on what it is you want to do, but you’ll also have motivation and certainty on your next steps to take action on your dreams.

If I can do it, you can do it!

I hope you enjoyed this week’s newsletter and I hope to see you soon.

Love from Abbey

xxx

The post Why online courses kept me stuck…(and what I did instead) first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post Why online courses kept me stuck…(and what I did instead) appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

If you have every moved countries…

Or if you are thinking about moving countries…

Or if you want to know what it’s LIKE to move countries…

then this week’s newsletter is for you!

As many of you know, I moved to Peru in August 2024.

For some people the change seemed very abrupt.

For others, they knew I had fallen in love with Peru the first time I stepped foot onto the Motherland back in 2012.

I had known for a long time that Peru was where I wanted to end up.

Despite that, the acclimatisation to actually living here has not always been easy.

Keep reading to find out why.

THE DREADED CURVE OF CHANGE

Having moved to Barcelona 11 years earlier, when I was 25, I thought moving countries again would be a piece of cake.

But as it turned out, the Curve of Change is a cruel mistress.

And I was no exception.

The first month was the typical honeymoon period.

Finally, I was in my favourite place in the whole wide world.

Living with my best friend whom I had fallen in love with.

I couldn´t get enough of the cute little mud houses.

I was completely obsessed with all the coloured textiles decorating the streets.

There were cute alpacas with hats on everywhere!

The sun rose every day at 05:30.

It really was a dream come true.

Until we moved into our first home together.

REALITY STRIKES

Nilton found us a cute little flat on the edge of the sleepy little town where he works as a primary school teacher.

When I saw the picture, I loved it instantly.

Lots of natural light.

Beautiful views of the surrounding mountains.

What was not to like?!

When we arrived, it was already dark.

The owner met us to let us in.

I entered, full of excitement to finally have our own place…

But to my disappointment…

The apartment was FILTHY.

There were urine stains in the toilets.

There was dust everywhere.

There were dirty sheets on the bed.

There were holes in the roof and BARE BULBS.

(who actually chooses to have a bare bulb in their home?!)

I was disappointed.

Knowing how Peru can be…we had specifically asked the landlady to ensure the flat was clean before we moved in.

“Yes of course” she has replied.

“Yes of course” actually meaning “No way Hoozay.”

I have noticed this is a thing in Peru.

People feel very uncomfortable saying no.

So they just say yes to everything.

Even when it’s a lie.

If you want to read more about this yes-means-no epidemic, check out my last article about the experience I had getting my peruvian driving.

My first thought seeing the dirty flat was “I can’t live here”.

I was caught between processing my own emotions and not wanting to offend the landlady.

Luckily for me, Nilton is a DOER.

(I don’t call him my Andean Alpaca for nothing!)

He organised us to go and get clean sheets and towels.

We couldn’t do anything about the filth and dust though.

The next morning was very uncomforatble.

Waking up in a new place, which doesn´t feel like home, and not being able to unpack anything yet because the place was filthy…

Despite the discomfort, deep down I knew everything was going to be OK.

I knew that short term discomfort was worth the long-term pleasure of living in a land that was once only a distant dream.

So I sucked it up (as best I could, permitting myself a fair amount of huffing and puffing throughout the day).

Over the next few weeks I started to get things in order.

This meant buying key things for the flat and finding a routine to support us as we established a new life together in Peru.

As the weeks turned into months, I started to feel at home in our flat.

I sourced cosy lighting, lovely warm carpets…and I was enjoying walking in the mountains every morning.

We even looked around other houses with a view to moving…but none of them lived up to the space and homeliness we felt in our little flat.

I have learnt that the curve of change is a real thing, and I am no exception from that rule.

Stage 1 – honeymoon period

Stage 2 – frustration and doubt

Stage 3 – acceptance

Stage 4 – clarity and belonging

NO ONE KNOWS YOU

One of the hardest things for me about moving to a new country has been starting from 0.

Expecially in terms of community.

Luckily for me, I already knew people here from my regular travels over the years to The Sacred Valley.

But I’m not going to lie.

It’s tough when not many people know who you are.

In Barcelona, I am part of a large community.

I am fortunate enough to be invited to play at many events.

My presence is actively DESIRED.

Suddenly, to be in a new place, where communities are already firmly established… does take some getting used to.

In Europe my voice is welcomed and celebrated.

In Peru, people walk out when I sing because it’s not “indigenous” enough.

And this is certainly …a streamline of operations.

And to be honest, a welcome one.

Because it shows me where I wanted to invest my time, love and energy.

As is the way of alignment, when one door closes, another door opens.

And when I got clear where I want to invest my energy, a whole new world opened up!

I was being invited to games nights with cool, fun people from all over the world!

I was welcomed to sing at other people’s kirtans.

And I made a really gorgeous English friend who I love dearly and we just fucking vibe together! She does really cool work supporting people to stop drinking. You can check her out here.

CONCLUSION

Moving to a new country is not easy.

And it’s not supposed to be.

Otherwise everyone would do it.

To build anything, you need to pass through the ups and downs, remembering your WHY and trusting in the calling of your heart.

I’ve learnt that living in alignment doesn´t always feel easy…but it definitely feels right!

I hope you enjoyed this week’s newsletter!

I am very happy to share that I am coming back to Europe for 2 months next week! I’ll be back from 2nd July – 4th September.2025

If you would like to join an event, ceremony or retreat while I’m back in Barcelona, then message me to find out what’s going on.

I hope to see you soon!

Love from Abbey xxx

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I feel grateful that it came before marriage and kids.

But it was tough.

Everything around me crumbled within a year.

❌My relationship

❌My health

❌My job

❌My finances

I was hemorraging money from my failed centre, Anahata. I felt the energy being sucked out of my solar plexus.

I felt like I was dying.

I was recovering from Narcissistic abuse and had started to doubt my own version of reality.

On top of that, I had a herniated disk and couldn’t walk straight because of the pain.

Some days I couldn’t even bend down to put my socks on.

Feelings of blame certainly did come up becuase I’m human. But I knew that I needed to look underneath the hot sticky lava of blame & resentment to feel better again.

And that’s where the shadow work began.

WHAT IS THE SHADOW?

The shadow is the person you would rather not be.

It’s the part you dislike about other people that you actually have locked away in yourself, refusing to admit it.

It’s what breaks up families.

It what causes wars.

The shadow is the part of us that we reject in ourselves and in others because we judge it to be “bad”.

MY SHADOW

One of my shadow sides is playing the role of good girl.

Good-girl-itis is a common disease among women my age. It is a manipulation of the emotions of other people so that they like us. We need others to like us so we feel better about ourselves.

This has manifested in my life as not:

❌expressing my anger (I didn’t want to rock the boat)

❌expressing my sadness (I didn’t want to bore people)

❌speaking up when people treat me badly (I didnt want to judge)

But here’s the thing.

By denying my anger, I withheld my love.

By denying my sadness, I withheld my happiness.

By not speaking up, I withheld my freedom.

This is because when we suppress any “negative” feeling or part of ourselves, we also suppress its opposite.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I DENIED THESE PARTS OF MYSELF?

I was living in the shadows, not allowing my full light to be seen.

After all, how can your light be seen when you are blaming, resentful and burnt out?!

As they say, ‘What you can’t be with, won’t let you be’. 

If you ever came into Anahata in 2022 you would have seen the effect of this on me.

🌱I wasn’t the best version of myself.

🌱I was rude, distant and stressed.

🌱 I was very rigid & serious

I’m sorry if that affected you.

HOW DID I HEAL THIS SHADOW SIDE?

Things started to get better when I:

✅ started giving myself permission to feel emotions.

✅ started giving myself permission to put boundaries.

✅ realised I would rather be whole than good.

I also started channeling my pain into music.

As an artist, when a song starts coming through, I know it’s important.

I leave everything to give space for that song to be birthed.

This is how Embrace Your Shadow was written – during the difficult process of integrating my shadow.

I don’t remember how the words came through, but within a week of starting it was finished.

I felt the lyrics coming from another world, from my higher self, assuring me that I would get through it:

“embrace your shadow even though you are afraid,

the brightest sunrise follows the darkest night”

I was reminding myself to have faith that everything would be alright.

HOW DID I INTEGRATE MY SHADOW?

As I started to heal, no longer did I have to repress or get rid of the parts of myself that I disliked.

Instead, I began to find the POSITIVE ASPECTS of this shadow side and integrate them into my life.

I changed my relationship with anger.

Instead of judging it as bad, I realised it served a sacred purpose.

Anger is a fuel. When we feel it, we want to do something. Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a MAP. It shows us our boundaries and where we want to go. Anger points the way, not the finger. Anger is our friend. Not a gentle friend, but a very loyal friend. It will always tell us when its time to act in our own best interests.

I gave myself full permission to FEEL my anger.

This took time and effort.

✨I did pillow scream therapy.

✨I bought a foam noodle to smash my anger out on the bed.

✨I received somatic coaching

✨I did boxing and imagined smashing my narcissstic ex partner’s face in.

I got in touch with my anger and I gave myself FULL PERMISSION to feel it.

Then, I used it as a catalyst to take action in my life and to EXPRESS.

At first it came out quite aggressive.

Which is a good sign.

It means it’s working.

Eventually, as my anger started to integrate inside of me, I was able to express my anger in a gentler way using the language of non-violent communication…

“I feel frustrated when I see XYZ”.

I started to see how I could express my anger super sweetly.

But first I had to allow myself to feel it and take responsibility for it.

When I realised that anger is not violence, everything changes.

Anger is a natural human emotion. Violence is the uncontrolled, harmful expression of a natural emotion.

It’s easy to confuse the two things, especially if we were brought up in households where we were shouted at.

If we grew up not feeling safe because of an adult’s anger, we promise ourselves that we will never be an angry person.

And that’s how our shadow is born – we repress what we think is bad because we were never shown a better way.

In reality, no human emotion is ever bad.

All emotions are designed to be expressed and to create change.

HOW INTEGRATING MY SHADOW HAS HELPED ME.

When I could accept & forgive the part of me that feels angry, I could accept and forgive others.

I used to judge angry people as “bad” people because I hadn’t yet accepted the anger within me.

But now I feel INSPIRED by healthy expressions of anger.

It is an energy that EXPANDS and EMPOWERS.

Being around people who can express their anger gives me PERMISSION to express my anger too.

Getting it out rather than keeping it repressed inside is a blessing. It cured me from a whole host of illnesses that “traditional” medicine is still unaware of.

If you missed my article about how repressing anger gave me autoimmune disease, you can check it out here.

I am constantly learning about safe ways to express.

It adds to my personal power.

Feeling my anger enables me to take action to change the things in my life that I don’t like.

If you want to find out more about anger and expression I recommend reading this book:

HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR SHADOW

Getting in touch with your shadow and converting it into a tool for your toolbox takes time.

If you want it enough, you will find away.

Don’t worry if you are currently unsure what your shadows are.

Here is a simple process can help you get in touch with your “inner oppressor”.

1) Close your eyes and take a moment to think about something you’ve wanted for a long time.  Maybe you’d love to have a fit body, a healthy relationship, or a home on the lake?  See it in your mind’s eye and sense it in your bones.

2) Give it a few minutes. You likely hear a familiar negative inner voice creeping in telling you why you can’t have what you want, or why you don’t deserve it.  It may remind you that you’re not good enough, focused enough or worthy enough.  This is the voice of your shadow self.

3) Now think back to the earliest time you can remember hearing that same negative voice.  Who was there?  What was happening?  How old were you?  Likely you’ll be able to trace it back to a time when you were between the ages of 2-10 years old.  Maybe you wanted a new bike, and you were told your grades weren’t good enough. It’s the little child within you that created the shadow self that needs some love or attention.  It’s that aspect that feels stupid, bad or unworthy and is hiding in your psyche setting the parameters of your life.

4) Sit with them.  Imagine that shadow self as the prodigal son/daughter coming home.  Give ‘them’ the love that they have been yearning for.  What did they/you need at those critical times that they/you didn’t get? Are you willing to give it to yourself?

5) Action:  Write a letter to your 10-year-old self.   Let them know you are there for them, you know what happened, and they’re worthy/lovable exactly as they are.  ‘Dear ten-year-old me, this is what I want you to know….’

CONCLUSION

In integrated anger is only one example of the shadow-side.

It’s been one of my personal shadows.

It’s a side that I have healed in making the unconscious conscious.

I wish to state that in no way am I trying to pretend that I have healed all my shadow sides. I think that is impossible in only one lifetime.

I know I have many more shadows that I dont even know about yet.

After all…YOU DON´T KNOW WHAT YOU DON´T KNOW.

That’s why it´s called a shadow – because you are unconscious of it.

However, what I DO know is this:

When my shadows rear their ugly head, I have all the tools and strength in order to deal with them 💪🏻

And so do you!

When you integrate these parts of you, you will open up to more personal power and possibility than you ever imagined.

I hope you found this article useful.

Love from Abbey xxx

P.S: If you want to listen to the song I talk about in this article, EMBRACE YOUR SHADOW is available on Spotify as of Friday 2nd August 2024.. Click here to listen now.

The post How my midlife crisis helped me integrate my anger. first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post How my midlife crisis helped me integrate my anger. appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

I wanted to speak and have every child in the room listening to me, attent to my every word.

I wanted them to remember me as the best teacher they’d ever had.

And that kind of worked when I was teaching 7 year olds.

I could get away with controlling them by being inauthentic.

But it didn’t wash with the older kids.

I discovered this the hard way when I landed a job at a Prestigious private school in Barcelona in 2013.

Going from teaching 7 year olds to teaching 11 years olds was a whole new ball game.

Tactics of domination and control no longer worked.

The older kids saw straight through my power games.

And the effect?

I couldn’t get the kids to be quiet!

I often came home from school feeling undermined, out of control and weak.

You can read about how my health quickly deteriorated as a result here

I took that to mean that I did not want to lead.

EVER!

LET’S CO-CREATE!

I took a break from teaching and from leadership.

I actually quiet teaching.

And I was quite sure that I never wanted to lead again.

Until I first joined the spiritual scene, and I became aware of a new paradigm of CO-CREATION.

I loved it.

I felt like it was healing all my past trauma with leadership.

I noticed that Spiritual people didn’t talk about leaders and followers.

Instead, they spoke about “co-creation”.

When I heard that word, felt a sense of ease wash over me.

I remember thinking… “you mean – I don’t have to try to prove myself as a leader anymore?”

I STOPPED LEADING & STARTED SHARING

So I relaxed.

And when I started sharing my Singing Circles in Barcelona, it was from that same spirit of relaxation.

I wasn’t trying to prove anything.

I was simply wanting people to experience what I had experienced with Kevin James, my Singing Circle Teacher.

When I stopped trying to lead, and just started to share, owning my own fears and self-judgement as I did so, I felt myself relax and others too.

Whereas before I would use my education to prove to others that I was worthy…now I just came to connect and to create a safe space for others to do the same.

It reminds me of that leadership quote by Margaret Thatcher:

“Being a leader is like

being a lady.

If you have to tell people

you’re one…

You’re probably not.”

As I started leading Singing Circles I discovered the timeless truth in these words.

The LESS I tried to ‘look good’ or ‘prove myself’ the more people would come. The more people would invite me to sing in their circles.

The LESS I thought about credentials or titles—and the more I focused completely on connecting myself with the music—the more ‘my people’ connected with themselves.

Whereas before I failed trying to control with fear and domination, now I was succeeding sharing my authenticity and vulnerability.

THE TRUE TEST OF A LEADER

Leadership is simple.

If you want to know if you’re a leader, turn around and see who’s following.

Leaders have followers. That’s all that counts.

When I stopped TRYING to be a leader and simply allowed myself to BE, one day I turned around and began to see that I had created an incredible community of Circle Singers in Barcelona.

But there is an even more powerful test of leaders.

A true leader creates more leaders, not more followers.

And that change in perspective has given me permission to LEAD.

Because now I know the true meaning of the word LEADERSHIP.

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Why is being “aligned” so important, when being lost is an important part of the journey?

This is a valid question.

In this newsletter I will be answering this conundrum.

I will also be addressing where I see so many people going wrong, keeping them in a perpetual in a state of LOSTness.

And finally I will share specific coaching practices I use with my clients to move them into alignment.

WHY IS EVERYONE SO OBSESSED WITH BEING ALIGNED?

First of all, let me begin by addressing the art of being lost.

I am a fervent believer in the important of losing yourself in order to find yourself again.

People who have never got lost or never hit rock bottom are often the ones most out of touch with themselves. I see this a lot in Corporate – people who have worked their way up the ladder but never taken the time to stop and question if this is really want they want. They are often the ones who go out at the weekends to get drunk. They think they are being sociable, but they are just drowning out the voice inside of them telling them they are not happy.

Their stories are not as interesting to me as the stories of people who have been brought to their knees by life. The people who have questioned everything, and had to claw their way out one fingernail at a time.

After all, the greaest discoveries are often the by-product of getting well and truly lost.

Let’s take Christopher Colombus for example.

We’ll call him Chris for short.

Disclaimer: I don’t know him personally.

BUT…

I´m pretty sure when Chris “accidentally” got lost and discovered America, his though process would have sounded something like this:

❌”SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT”

❌”I’m a failure”

❌”I KNEW I wasn’t capable of leading this mission.”

❌”OMG Kind Ferdinand and Queen Isabella are going to HATE me and think I´m a LOSER!”

As we all know, Chris was supposed to be finding a shorter trading route to India.

Instead he discovered America.

If you are not yet convinced by the fertile twilight zone between being lost and found, let us turn to a different example.

VAN GOGH

In his lifetime he made 1200 paintings.

However, only 17 become famous.

Wait a sec while I pull out my calculator…

That’s a success rate of ONLY 1.4%.

But nobody thinks about the “failures”. Nobody considers the paintings that “didn’t sell”. The fact that he spent most of his life depressed, living on coffee, cigarettes and white bread…

No wonder he cut his bloody ear off!

When Van Gogh died, he was 37 years old. And he has only sold 1 painting.

He died considered himself to be a failure.

Nobody knew that his being lost enabled him to create some of the most important art of the 19th century.

I konw what you’re thinking…

If getting lost is so important, why is this newsletter called “from lost to aligned”?

Well, here’s the thing:

Being lost is all well and good.

But you don’t want to stay there too long.

Otherwise you may well end up like Van Gogh…

WHAT I SEE SO MAY PEOPLE DOING WRONG.

Depending on your personality-type, getting lost can get you trapped in one of two possible scenarios:

1) GETTING STUCK IN NON-ACTION

I see many peple so terrified to make a mistake and choose the “wrong” path, that they don’t do anything.

The truth is, it doesn’t really matter WHAT you do.

Just do SOMETHING.

Because if it doesn´t work out, it´s going to lead you closer to what you really want.

If you look at it from this perspective…you really can’t go wrong!

But because it is “scary” to go wrong, many people don´t even give themelves the chance to go.

The result is that they get stuck in non-action.

Non-action looks like:

❌having ideas but not following through on any of them

❌getting distracted by food/exercise/pleasure over sitting down and getting on with the task at hand

❌escaping through travel & plant medicine to keep you stuck in the illusion of moving forwards.

So many people think that making a mistake means failure.

But the truth is failure is when you don’t make any mistakes.

Read that again.

FAILURE IS WHEN YOU DON´T MAKE ANY MISTAKES.

🌟How else can you learn?

🌟How else can you grow?

🌟How else can you find a redirection for your life?

Then there´s the other side of the coin…

2) GETTING STUCK IN OVER-ACTION

I had a call with a potential client a few months ago.

She was completely lost.

And she was doing EVERYTHING to try and claw her way out.

She was exhausted and burnt out.

But she didn’t want to accept it.

She thought that the next training would finally bring her success.

She believed that by teaching a few more classes per week she would finally earn the respect she desired.

She was hating life. But because she didn´t believe there was an alternative, she kept forcing herself onwards. She was like the racehorse AND the jockey rolled into one, thinking that whipping herself into action would make her win the race.

But she was running the wrong race.

What she needed to do was PAUSE and ask herself HOW SHE WANTED TO FEEL.

And from there gain the CLARITY she needed to create a life that made her really happy.

But she didn’t allow herself to PAUSE because her ego wouldn’t let her off the hamster wheel.

FINDING ALIGNMENT

Being lost is often fertile ground to allow you to find all the pieces of the puzzle.

It´s OK to take your time in the process.

Rushing it could mean that you put the puzzle back in the wrong order. Or with pieces missing.

But you also have to recognise when it’s time to start moving into alignment.

We all have gifts to share with the world.

Time isn’t getting any slower.

And you’re not getting any younger.

As we start navigating our own path, we realise that we have indeed scattered pieces of our puzzle in different corners of the Earth.

This can be due to other people´s expectations, society telling you what you should want, toxic relationships…

It’s important to bring all these pieces back to you. That way, you can lay strong foundations in order to build the future you truly deserve and desire.

And that’s exactly the process I take my clients through when we work together.

We find CLARITY on who they are and what they wan. Then we create create a PLAN in order to take the daily steps to move them into ALIGNMENT.

But how do you know if this is really your purpose or just something that interests you right now?

DIFFERENTIATING PASSIONS FROM PURPOSE

There is a sure fire way to tell your passions from your purpose.

Your passions can me multiple and they can change throughout the course of your life.

Your purpose tends to stay the same.

Whereas you can continue discovering new passions throughout your life, your PURPOSE is usually the underlying force holding these passions together.

Your PURPOSE is often born out of your greatest pain.

For example, as a child I felt I didn’t have a voice.

It’s no coincidence that when I grew up I developed underactive thryoid. I also developed Hashimotos autoimmune disease (where the body attacks the thyroid gland).

Now I Coach people to find their creativity & get in touch with their purpose.

I hold Singing Circles so people can connect with their authentic voice.

And I am a Ceremonial musician, working with medicine to empower people to come back to themselves.

You can see that I have 3 passions: Coaching, Music & Medicine.

But these are just the tools I use to carry out my purpose.

My PURPOSE is over-arching theme weaving them together, born of the pain I felt as a child of not having access to my own self-expression.

My purpose is supporting people to be fully self-expressed in this life.

You see how it works?

If you have a tendency to start one passion and then run out of steam, then you haven´t found your purpose yet.

SO KEEP GOING!

When you tap into your purpose you will know.

It feels like:

🌟electricity

🌟you are tapped into something greater than yourself

🌟time just flies by when you do this thing

🌟you can’t wait to get out of bed to keep working on it

🌟you have been CHOSEN to carry out this mission

Remember – it’s only through the process of experimenting that some options are ruled out. That way, you are always getting closer to what it actually is you want to do.

To finish, I’m going to share some of the steps I take my clients through so YOU can start moving YOURSELF from LOST to ALIGNED.

SELF-COACHING STEPS TO FIND ALIGNMENT

1) THE WORK by Byron Katie.

Whenever you have a situation or recurrent thought that is causing you stress, there is a series of questions you can take yourself through to reach peace of heart.

You can access these questions using Byron Katie’s app (available on both the Apple and google stores). It costs €1.

Get the app here

If you don´t want to invest, hit REPLY to this email and write THE WORK and I´ll be happy to send you the questions over.

The app is great because it’s easily accesible any time you have a real-life situation that is causing you stress.

2) ENERGY LISTS

Energy is the new currency.

There are things you are doing right now in your life that are draining you of energy. Maybe it involves people, habits and/or places.

There are also things that are filling you with energy.

Make 2 lists – one of all the things that drain you of energy. And the other all the things that fill you with energy.

The first step is to become aware.

The second step is to start crossing things off the list of things that drain you of energy. This means that slowly, you start saying goodbye to habits, people and places that are harming you.

If you are meticulous with this practice, you will soon start to see your energy rising and things that used to frustrate you falling away.

3) INTENTION

Alignment is a daily practice.

Here is a practise that takes less than a minute that works EVERY TIME.

After you wake up, light a candle and set your intention for the day.

Your intention can be how you want to feel (“peaceful,”, “joyful”, “spacious”). Or it can be a particular intention for a specific outcome at work or a conversation that needs to be had.

The act of lighting a candle brings presence and sacredness to the intention.

You’ll be amazed at what you achieve when you make this a regular practice!

I do it every day and encourage my clients to do the same.

I hope that this week’s newsletter brought you clarity and inspiration to move from LOST to ALIGNED.

Thanks for reading me.

Until next week!

Love from Abbey xxx

p.s. If you would like some one-on-one support, I have a couple of spaces open for new clients. Get in touch and let’s see if we are a good fit to work together.

The post Moving from lost to aligned in 3 steps first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post Moving from lost to aligned in 3 steps appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

One minute you’re fine and the next you have fallen in right on in.

It’s very difficult to dig your way out.

Exhausting, in fact.

It’s like all the energy goes out of you. You know what you WANT to be doing. You just can’t summon the clarity or motivation to actually do it.

This leads to feelings of GUILT. Especially in the age of Social Media, where it’s so easy to compare yourself to others who appear to be doing it better. Or who appear just to be doing it at all.

Because you are currently unable to get things moving, it’s easy to mistake this as something wrong with YOU and start judging yourself.

You may start to believe:

• I don’t have what it takes…
• I’m not good enough…
• I don’t know what I’m doing…

And the cycle of ruttedness perpetuates.

I know because I have been there.

MY STORY

I was stuck in a huge rut back in 2021.

This was 5 years after I had worked a job that made me REALLY unhappy. You can read my experience as a primary school teacher here.

Back to 2021.

I had just left corporate, and was doing my Coaching Masters. I was also in the process of creating Anahata.

At the time, I didn’t know I was in a rut.

I thought that there was something wrong with ME.

It was tough leaving corporate. Suddenly I was on my own. Now I was wholly responsable for finding the structure necessary to create my vision and make it work financially.

My stuckness felt like a heavy energy in my body.

I had a constant feeling of unease and anxiety, like I “should” be doing something else, or more, or different, or better…

Nothing I did felt like enough.

I felt like I was trying to run through honey.

I felt confused and unclear on “the right way”.

I compared myself to others doing similar things and thought they were doing it much better than me.

This would manifest in behaviour that didn’t help me.

• Instead of investing in getting clear on what I wanted, I would watch documentaries on Gaia.
• Instead of knuckling down with that I needed to do, I would go out for coffee dates with friends.
• Instead of scheduling time in my calendar to work, I would book myself into massages.

I was trying to escape the feeling of stuckness with FUN things, with SOCIABLE things, with HEALING things.

But none of it cured my stuckness.

I had an unmet need which was not being addressed, and I was focussing my attention on the wrong thing.

HOW I GOT OUT OF MY RUT

By behaviour was like a plaster – trying to cover up symptoms instead of getting to the route cause.

I knew something had to change.

But I didn’t know what.

Or how.

Or who.

Around the same time the word “Coach” kept coming to me.

A few years before, I would have pushed through on my own. Back then I thought that asked for help was a sign of weakness and I certainly wouldn´t have considered investing in my own self-development.

But now things were different. Maybe because I myself had a Masters in Coaching, so I knew the power of having sometimes to hold me accountable and break through my own bullshit.

I felt deep down this is what I needed to pull me out of my honey-stuckness and into action again.

But where to find the Coach?!

I had been looking for a Coach for a few months but no one resonated enough for me to put my money down.

I summer 2022 I went to the Sacred Valley and I heard through the grapevine about a man called Jarah Tree.

When I got back, I looked him up and booked a call.

I just knew he was the one to help me. I had never even spoken to him.

He was based in America, and our first call was at 21:30pm at night. That was VERY late for me! But I just know he was the one to help me.

5 minutes before out call I got cold feet. Did I actually want to have this call with him? What if he tried to “sell” me into something I didn’t want?

I remember saying to Jarah in our first call “I want everything we just talked about…but it sounds like a lot of work. I just don’t have the energy”.

I chuckle to myself thinking about that now, not knowing what was in store for me or the HUGE amounts of energy that would be activated as I started moving through the coaching process with him.

After our weekly call which finished at 11pm I felt such a shoot of energy moving through me.

Normally I was in bed by 9pm but this process was awakening something in me.

• I started working on my website
• I started making regular posts on Social Media
• I started having my client calls on the calendar

And after 6 weeks working with Jarah, I had already earnt back my Coaching investment by signing my first client.

It was a snowball effect.

The momentum was building very quickly, and I had got from being stuck-in-a-rut and stagnant, to engaged, inspired and bringing in the clients.

The stagnancy I had felt just weeks before had disappearaed because I had taken aligned action towards my goal of becoming a Coach.

That action led to a result, and that’s how the energy started building, propelling me forwards.

The only way I can describe it is like when you start going to the gym. At first you don’t want to go…you resist…you think how hard it´s going to be…that you don´t know what machines to use. The first time is uncoomfortable and you’re not sure you did it right…but very soon after you start to see a noticetable change in your body. Not only that but you start to feel GREAT. And from that moment on, you are hooked.

I learnt a lot through my Coaching programmes.

In particular about the PROCESS of moving through stagnancy and into aligned action.

And that’s what I want to share with you today.

I wish to share with you what I learnt from my own stagnancy in the hope that it helps you if you ever get stuck in a rut.

These 3 pointers can be used any time, in any place and are guaranted to work every time.

HOW TO GET OUT OF A RUT IN 3 EASY STEPS

1) Identify where you’re feeling stuck

Get specific on which areas of your life are making you feel like this.

• Work?
• Relationship?
• Personal growth?
• Sense of adventure?

If it feels like the stuckness is an overall thing, try to dig a little deeper into the last 2 examples to see if one resonates with you.

You can ask yourself these 3 questions:

• What’s missing in your life right now?
• What do you want more of?
• What do you want less off?

Now you have identified the specific area you’re feeling stuck in, the next step is to uncover the reason why.

2) Identify why you’re feeling stuck

This will always come down to an unmet need, or a particular way you want to feel but don’t in a certain area.

For example, if your issue is around your work and career, it might be that you’re craving challenge and stimulation. Or maybe you want to feel like you’re working toward something significant and meaningful.

If your issue is around restlessness or general boredom, maybe you’re a person who feels stifled by routine. It might be that you want to feel free, or adventurous, or excited about a new experience. Maybe the feeling of the same day playing out over and over is making you feel almost claustrophobic.

Try to dig down into that unmet need or the feeling you’re craving with these questions:

• What is it that you really want?
• Why do you want it?
• How do you want to feel?

Hopefully now you’ve now got a clear idea of where you’re feeling stuck, and why.

This is where the final step comes in.

3) Create a plan to get unstuck.

To get unstuck, something needs to change. If nothing changes, nothing changes, right?!

The change you need can be big or small – it is totally up to you.

There may be times where you need to make a big change, and other times where a small change will make a big difference.

A big change might involve a new job, or a move across the country (or to another country), travel, starting a business, or launching a project.

A small change can be as simple as spontaneous road trips, a mid-week walk along a beach, taking a class, or volunteering.

To formulate your plan, consider these questions:

• If you could, what would you love to do in regards to this issue?
• What’s the scary option?
• What’s the safe option?

With this in mind:

• What action are you willing to take?
• What resources, skills or knowledge do you need?
• Who could help you?

So, there you have it… Simple but effective and actionable today.

Just remember, any time you encounter this feeling of being stuck in a rut in future, it will always comes back to that unmet need or feeling you’re craving.

I hope you found this newsletter useful.

Love from Abbey x

The post Feeling stuck? How to get yourself out of a rut in 3 steps. first appeared on Abbey Sykes.

The post Feeling stuck? How to get yourself out of a rut in 3 steps. appeared first on Abbey Sykes.

I was sitting 21 floors above the beach in my swanky Barcelona office.

Midway through interviewing a candidate for a role within our company, my imposter syndrome was rearing its ugly head.

It didn’t make sense.

I had a great job.

I lived in a great city.

I had a great social life.

So why was I feeling so uncomfortable?

I’d experienced a similar feeling a few times in my life. But there was something extra toe curling about this particular occasion.

This discomfort quickly began getting worse.

And the more I tried to hide it, the stronger it began.

During the interview I started to feel very uncomfortable. I began to sweat. I felt my face getting redder and redder.

I could hear the clock ticking and wondered why this interview was taking so long.

The tone of my own voice was higher than usual and sounded ridiculous.

I hoped the candidate couldn’t tell that I was a fraud and didn’t know what I was talking about.

Were my sentences even making sense?

I knew that the the head of IT who was sitting in on the interview thought I couldn’t do my job.

Fast forward 15 minutes.

As the interview ended, the Head of IT came up to me, smiled and said “great find, Abbey. Let’s hire him.”

I felt relieved that I had managed to survive a moment longer without being discovered for the fake I really was.

It felt surreal that my experience of the interview had been so different from his.

The whole situation made my toes curl up.

HOW DID HE NOT NOTICE?!

This disparity between what I and others experienced in the same moment is what finally made me go and see a psychologist.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

If you have ever experienced Imposter Syndrome, then you will have felt the hot cloud of shame flood your insides.

It is a debilitating condition that causes great anxiety. It doesn’t allow you to recognise your own abilities and success, despite being high-performing on the outside. This condition often leaves you feeling like a “fraud” or a “fake”, terrified of being “found out”.

The pain of that May time experience left me feeling

disconnected

hyper vigilant

anxious

worthless

I had no idea that it is a common experience that happens to many people.

If I had known that perhaps I wouldn’t have thought there was something wrong with me.

Giving voice to my Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome is tightly bound with shame.

Shame gets us by the jugular, by going for the most vulnerable parts of us.

Since shame is a controlling device, we will do anything to avoid feeling that shame. Including pretending the thing that is shaming us doesn’t exist.

This is why it is so hard to talk about.

I thought that if I gave voice to it, it would become more REAL.

When in reality, the opposite was true.

By SPEAKING about it, I was able to loosen its grip over me.

What’s more, I realised that this “Imposter Syndrome” is a completely normal reaction for someone living a life not meant for them.

It’s a response to being in an environment that goes against ones values, health and emotions. (You can read about the consequences of working a job I was never aligned with in my previous newsletter here.)

And not only that, but that in fact Imposter Syndrome is a SUPER POWER.

Say what?!

Yes, that’s right, a super power.

I saw clearly how Imposter Syndrome was my body showing me the way.

It was physically reacting to what deep down wasn’t right for me.

And if I didn’t listen…my body just started screaming louder and louder until I did.

This was a game changer!

As I started to follow my internal compass, I began to learn so much about myself.

–I work better alone…so why was I working in an office?

–I am incredibly creative… so why was I working at a computer with an excel?

— I am an achiever (according to the Gallup strength finder – buy the book with built in assessment here) so why would I work for a company that caps my achievement?

As I started to unlearn my conditioning, I began to discard so many ideas that had prevented me from accessing my true north

That the only “right” job was working 0900-0500

That having a stable income was the most important

That it was safer to work for somebody else rather than myself.

And when I realised none of that was true I realised we´ve been lied to.

I mean, how “right” is a job that makes you question your mental stability?

How “safe” it is working for a company that can fire you at any minute?

How “stable” is an income from a company that may make cuts whenever they please?

Moving on from Corporate

In February 2020 I made the decision to leave corporate to follow my dream of becoming a Coach.

I enrolled in a Masters in Leadership, Emotional Intelligence & Coaching at EAE Business School.

At this point I had not even considered that music would be an equally big part of my path.

But as the cage started coming off and my wings started unfurling, things became clearer.

My passions started to show themselves.

But I want to be real about this change.

It wasn’t easy.

—I hated my Coaching Masters at EAE Business School and didn´t feel connected with the heavy focus on business content or the people.

—My under-active thyroid and Hashimoto’s Autoimmune Disease were causing me major issues. I was feeling confused, exhausted and hostile towards everyone.

—I started going out with a Narcissistic partner who persuaded me to let him manage my money. Investing in crypto and Anahata, I lost hundreds of thousands of euros.

But I believed in a better life than the one I was leaving behind.

I believed in waking up every day feeling energised, clear headed and eager to get on with my day.

I believed in starting my day not feeling like an Imposter in my own life.

I believed in getting paid even more than corporate by working for myself and doing what I love.

And so I made a commitment to myself.

The Committment

When I first started my Singing Circles in Barcelona only 3 people came.

But I showed up every week, because I believed that with consistency and passion I could create the life of my dreams.

I had a vision of the life I wanted. I had clarity on the purpose I was here to unfold. I stuck to both of those things.

I invested tens of thousands of euros in my own self development.

From Coaching, to Psychotherapy, to Tony Robbins, to Plant Medicine, to Biodescodification, to Sound Healing.

All this so that I could break away from the chains of what I believed was possible.

So I could create a life that was deeply fulfilling.

Some days I doubted.

Some days I got so distracted.

Some days I thought I’d never get there.

But remembering the pain of my Imposter Syndrome and what it had taught me kept me going.

And so I continued. Step by step.

And the result?

—I have recorded an album!! (i had to put exclamation marks because the old Abbey would never ever have dreamed this)

—I have moved to the countryside

—I have created a thriving coaching business

—I work with aligned clients who are seeing huge transformation in their lives

—My relationship with my family is better than ever

—My 3 passion – music, medicine and coaching has become an ecosystem that feed itself.

—I work from anywhere I want.

—And most importantly, I am happy.

Does this mean my life is sorted?

Absolutely not.

I am still working to forgive my narcissistic ex partner.

I have severe PMS and want to kill everything and everything in my sight for around a week a month

I still have moments of doubt & insecurity becuase I’m HUMAN.

But I know that the best way to move through those is to continue working towards my goals – to take the next smallest step in order to move the needle.

To Summarise

Life is not easy. But it’s a great deal easier when you are living your passion.

It’s hard to commit daily to your own growth. It’s a hell of a lot harder not to.

It’s scary to invest money in your own self development. It’s much scarier to feel regret 10 years down the line.

You have to believe in a life that you really want to live.

You have to believe in how you really want to feel.

You have to believe that you can find what it is that you are on this planet to do.

Because when you find it your whole life changes.

If you suffer from Imposter Syndrome and are ready to transform it into a super power, then here are 3 easy steps you can take today:

1) Write down in which situations you feel like an Imposter. Allow yourself to really feel the discomfort. 

2) Write down where you are not being authentic with yourself. Something makes you feel like an Imposter because you are PRETENDING. What are you pretending?

3) If you didn’t have to pretend anymore, what would you rather be doing? If you are unsure ask yourself “what would my friends say I am very picky with?”

I hope this newsletter inspired you to leave behind what causes you harm and suffering and move towards what you know deep down you are here to do.

Love from Abbey xxx

p.s. – if you want support to step into your power, passion and purpose, I have a few spots open to work with 1-on-1 clients so get in touch and let’s schedule a time to talk.

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